A Journey of faith and to Faith!

Life with Faith

2011-04-06T01:46:00.000-04:00

So, while I was at a Mom's event this weekend, someone asked, "Do you blog about your life with Faith?" I remembered I used to while I waited, and when I was getting her, but that I hadn't in a very long time. Why? Because life with Faith, is busy!!! My hands, these days, are busy signing away, picking up barbie shoes, or giving baths, to be whirring away on a keyboard.   However, inspired by that day, and this amazing story, that God has allowed to continue I will post a quick update.

Faith is doing amazing, I know cliche - but its all I got. When I look at this little girl, who came to us barely a size 2T (at age 3.9 months), and is now almost at 5T (at 5.3 months), I am amazed. When I think about this girl who could only give a thumbs up to express joy, and a very nasty scowl to express dislike, can now ask me where everyone in the family is when I go into her room in the middle of the night when she's woken up screaming, is astonishing!   It occurred to me the other night, after such an episode, that this ability to communicate had brought to her more than just words, but the ability to relieve her fears and anxieties. As I answered that Daddy was sleeping, AJ was sleeping, Ian was in his room playing video games, and that Mommy was in the livingroom on the computer, and watched her face just melt into peace, that these things must have been weighing on her all this time, but she had no way of asking -- it wells my eyes with tears now to think about it.

We have struggles, its not all smooth sailing -- she still closes her eyes, and even sometimes starts to hit me if I am trying to sign to her at Mass. She still thinks its ok to TOUCH ever single thing she comes in contact with, even after being told several times NOT to touch it. She still tries to open every door we encounter, which after she let herself OUT at my sister's house has been a real fear for me, and a forbidden behavior for her! She still loves bedtime some nights, and ABHORS it others -- when it is NOT her plan to go to bed, she can be a mighty big stinker! Refusing to cooperate with even the simpliest of bedtime routines, getting limp like a noodle, and obstinate like a bull!!   Like all 5 year olds, she likes this her way or the highway, and is constantly trying to assert her independence, find her way, and push all boundaries. but boy do we love the SNOT OUT of her!!!

Faith has the cutest little face, that gets cuter with pigtails, those crazy purple glasses, and goofy grinded down straight tooth grin!! She cracks herself up, laughs ridiculously loud , that contagiously brings laughter from all those around her. She is a huge helper, the first to grab the other end of the laundry basket, push the 'start' button on the dishwasher, or lend a hand with the vacuum cleaner. She hugs like a bear, cuddles like a kitten, and steals our hearts like a fox!!! We can't believe that God would love us so much to allow us to be her parents, and continue to pray for the GRACE to do the best by her that we can. We look at our children, and praise God for His goodness, especially that I am able to be home to school them , providing us even more blessings and opportunities that would not exist if they were in school.   She learns as much for her 2 big brothers as she does from me!!

So that's what Life with Faith is like these days ... who could ask for anything more!!

China's Lost Girls

2011-02-25T08:21:00.004-05:00

This show was amazing, what a flood of memories and emotions it brought back!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/80238/explorer-chinas-lost-girls

Here is one China Girl who isn't lost anymore!

This is a picture of Ian and Faith at the swim up bar in Jamaica! Uncle Joe and Aunt Cheryl took us there for a week. What an awesome time we had, the weather was great, the people there at the Iberostar hotel were awesome! Faith, Ian and Adam had a wonderful time as did Allison and I.

https://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2100568&id=1564947730&l=75d3cad9e5

Christmas 2010

2010-12-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

It was Faith's second Christmas in America and as a Gingras and what a difference a year makes! She knows so many signs and is so comfortable around our family and friends that it doesn't cease to amaze us! She is now an integral part of our Christmas traditions! We did so much with her this year!

A trip to Edaville Railroad. She loved the train ride and signs train now every time she see's a picture of one.
Visited Jordan's Furniture to see the Enchanted Village and LITE show. She loved the fake snow!
Went bowling again, Faith seems to really like bowling!
Went to see Festival of Lights and walk around there and say hello to Santa Clause.
Saw the Heritage Plantation lights and rode the merry go round.
Went to the Christmas Store on RT 18.
She loves signing tree now too! Trying to get her to add the Christmas sign in front of it.
Sadly the snow is just a bit too much for her still but soon! She seems to really want to go play in it.

I loved watching my dad play chase around the kitchen table with her on Christmas day!

Another very cool thing was going to the signed Mass in Hopkinton with Fr. Shaun Carey (a deaf priest) the Sunday after Christmas and signing with people we met afterwards. It really taught me that I need to have a New Years Resolution of getting much better at practicing and learning sign language for her if I want to communicate with her as she progresses. I can't always have Allison around to translate!

This year I need to reflect on how blessed we are that God chose us to do this and how blessed we are with family and friends who have been so supportive to date. Blessed that Faith FengHua Gingras is so well adjusted and how easy a transition it was for us and for her.

Peace - Kevin G.

Faith the Copy Cat

2010-11-05T12:17:00.001-04:00

So as I sit here in my big chair with Faith next to me I ponder what a whirlwind year it has indeed been! She's accomplished so much! Right now I type this on my computer and she works on her computer right next to me, Faith is a copy cat!

Her brothers use her copying to teach her things like how to be a punk rapper as you can see below!

But what a totally fantastic year it has been! Oh, sure Faith tests us here and there but so do Ian and Adam and most every normal child! There are many times that I test Allison's patience as well :) but overall it's been great. Faith is doing Little Gym and Physical Therapy. Allison is teaching her and a bunch of other folks sign language once a week! I have a lot of catching up to do to learn ASL!!

I was reading older blog entries and thinking back how much I leaned on God a year ago. This was our last day in Wuhan (Faith's province) a year ago. I was praying so hard then. I still pray, I still lean on God but I need to get back to where I was a year ago - no - not Wuhan - I mean my prayer life. I need to get back to that trust, that faith and reliance I had.

Well, life is good! It's been great hearing from all the other families we were with in China about how their kids are and have been through the year.

Well, I think I've ping ponged from one subject to another enough for now.

PEACE!

A year already?

2010-10-29T07:30:00.000-04:00

It was one year ago today that we got on a plane to start our journey to China! It seems like we have had Faith as part of the family forever but it's been just under a year (we got Faith on November 2nd 2009). So much has happened within that year! I remember the first group of photo's we received, I think back in March or April of 2009 when we made the decision that Wu FengHua was the one!

She has grown so much bigger now physically and mentally. I'm glad she wasn't this heavy when I had to carry her around Wuhan and Guangzhou! She can also communicate so much better. She knows so many signs. Stop, Potty, Rabbit, Horse, Oops, Stop, Eat, Kiss, Squirrel, AJ, Mom, Dad, Bless, God, Jesus...the list goes on and on! We have even been able to tell her to go get Ian for dinner and she did! Allison knows how many total words and communicates with her so much more.

Our journey to China was so flooded with prayers thanks to everyone! We still pray but now the prayers are of thanks to God! Thanks for all the wonderful people who watched our kids while we were gone, thanks to all who prayed and continue to pray for us, thanks to everyone who assisted in any way, shape or form, thanks for bringing Faith into our family, thanks for getting us home safe from China, thanks for the wonderful year we have had with Faith and thanks for many more to come!

It's been an interesting adventure from the start and I'm loving every minute of it! To close please check out the video of Faith and Pete Bouchard (I call Pete her boyfriend)

PEACE!

NH Vacation and communication

2010-10-06T11:51:00.000-04:00

Communicating is going very well with Faith now. On October 5th I was able to tell her to got get Ian from his room for dinner. Ian knew what she meant! That was a big moment for us!

We went to New Hampshire on October 1 thru October 4th and had a great time. We tagged along with the Toste famly. Ian, Adam and Faith loved all the rides. Faith even took the front seat in the Bamboo Shoots ride! She loved the splashdown!

We stopped at Story Land on Saturday, then Santa's Village on Sunday. I think the bumper cars were her favorite ride at Santa's Village, we did that ride a LOT!

Then on our way home on Monday we were going by Clark's Trading Post and decided to stop in there for the Train Ride and Bear Show. That was pretty cool! Wolfman didn't scare Faith at all!

We also stopped at the Basin for a bit of a stroll. My recommendation is to NOT stop there to use the toilets, they are NASTY! Whenever we stopped the car Faith would sign play. No matter where we went she thought it was time to go on rides! The kids were great with her.

One issue we had was sleeping. We only had two beds and I don't even think they were queen sized. If Faith was in bed with us she would get too excited and just want to jump around and play. Allison put her on a bunch of blankets on the floor and felt terribly guilty. Faith, she fell asleep within moments of hitting the floor thus the floor became her bed for the trip.

We stayed at the Lantern Resort Motel and Campground. That place is cool, I highly recommend it. We even got to go on our own private hay ride on Sunday night.

I think it's easy to say that Faith is indeed one of us. Last night we were playing soccer in the kitchen (shh, don't tell Allison) with her ball and when I said we were finished so I could go fold laundry Faith tapped me on the leg and signed 'cry'. I couldn't stop after that so we played for a while more. She can tell us a lot of things now and is learning to express herself more and more daily....

Communicating with Faith

2010-09-25T08:52:00.000-04:00

I'm slowly learning to communicate with Faith. We can tell each other a few things like:

She can let me know it's time to go potty
I can tell her to stay here
I can ask her if she wants a drink or food and she can tell me when she wants those things.
I can tell her I love her.
Can tell her when it's time for bed.
Am able to say be careful.
Tell her to throw away some trash and clean up when she's done.
She loves to tell me it's bath time.
She tells me she want's to play and can even add things like ball to that sentence if she wants to play soccer.
I can easily communicate when I'm angry, sad, happy etc... facial expressions are so important.

There are many more things we can communicate. There are also some frustrating times communicating for both of us. The other day she was trying to tell me something and I had no clue and it was clear she was getting angry when I just kept signing "what?".

There are also times, like when we were in Plymouth the other night, where I was communicating verbally with Ian and Adam and realized I was leaving her out. Those are the times when I get frustrated, I want to have these long conversations with her and I realize my lack of sign language prevents that, I need to keep it simple for now if Allison isn't around.

We still have a lot of fun, it's amazing what you can communicate without anything verbal or even signed. The language of fun is indeed universal!

For some reason running around cracks her up. She was running around in Plymouth on September 23 and laughing hysterically!

That's a two part sign for smile, I wanted to take her picture so I signed smile to her. She was quick to copy me!

All the pictures of that night are here: http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/2010Fall#.

KG.

2010-09-22T09:34:00.003-04:00

Allison has gotten involved as a guest blogger on Sensational Homeschooling in honor of Deaf Awareness Week!

Check it out at the link below!

http://www.sensationalhomeschooling.com/2010/09/literacy-through-hearing-loss-5-tips.html

And what would a post be without a picture?

Just Faith and I in Plymouth

2010-08-27T07:20:00.001-04:00

Last night just Faith and I went to Plymouth. First she sat in the stroller but then she ran free after getting some ice cream!

She still is a little awkward running around but she did great, didn't fall once! She loved waving to everyone we passed and holding my hand and jogging around. She did seem to always want to run into the road. I didn't like that one very much but she did well listening to me when I told her no. Probably because she saw so many people crossing those nifty looking green crosswalks and we did cross a couple of times with the carriage. Faith was good staying by the waterfront. She would run, while holding my hand and crack up. For some reason running cracks her up.

It is very interesting just sitting with her. She can communicate fairly well now. She would sit on a bench and then tell me to sit down next to her so I would. Then every bench we came across we had to sit down. She'd sit down first then tell me to sit down. At one point there were two benches next to each other. Faith sat on one then told me to sit down so I sat on the other bench. She promptly hit the bench next to her and signed "sit". She definitely wanted me to sit with her. I got the hint.

All in all it was a great night. We got home and she washed up brushed and went to bed. Alas, I was out by 9:30, I think she was still up playing with her doll in bed so she outlasted me! KG.

Today's Gospel

2010-08-17T08:52:00.002-04:00

Today's Gospel was Matthew 19:23-30 (click on link to read the whole thing).

The part that struck me was verse 29: And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.

I instantly thought of Faith's mother and father. I've often felt a bit odd about her birth parents, how could they give her up, what a horrible thing to do. This reading, for an obviously Godly reason, made me realize that they gave her up out of love, out of sacrifice for a better life for her. Could I give up one of my children if I knew it would be for a better life for them? Probably not.

I know her parents probably didn't give her up for the sake of Jesus' name but they did it to offer her a better life, they knew they couldn't provide for her properly, they did it out of Love, and isn't God Love after all? Today Faith's birth parents will be in my prayers...

KG.

More stuff about Faith

2010-08-14T09:12:00.000-04:00

We have been taking Faith to a lot of appointments lately! Her ultrasound on her kidneys are normal so her genetic issues regarding deafness won't be worst. Apparently if her kidneys turned up anything then things would be bad and eventually she could lose her eyesight as well!

The Dr. thinks that Faith may have slight Autism, Allison has noticed it too. I guess my ignorance is bliss! She will also need a lot of physical therapy to help her to start walking better. She still walks around like a little drunk Chinese kid!

I went out and got a pool for her and AJ earlier this summer, not sure if I blogged that yet. They absolutely love it and with the heat we have had it's been great. I've even been known to sit in it and relax from time to time!

We are off to my company picnic today. They have carnival rides, free food, games and all sorts of things. Should be interesting trying to chase her around there, we will be bringing the stroller for when we need a break! I can't wait to take her on the big slide, you know the one with the potato sacks. AJ is very much looking forward to it! Ian is at a Catholic Middle School leadership retreat this weekend at St. Thecla's in Billrica. He's having fun so far, at least that's what his phone msg said last night.

Oh well, signing off for now....KG.

Saturday morning ponderings

2010-07-31T07:39:00.000-04:00

It's only been almost ten months since adding Faith to our lives. It's been a long strange trip where she has learned as much about us as we have learned about her. God continues to guide this long strange trip but I find myself putting my trust in Him less and less each day and that isn't good. I need to lean on His strength like I did in the beginning, like I did as I took my seat on that plane to China!

We have found out that she is deaf due to a genetic anomaly so she has indeed been deaf from birth. She had a checkup recently and her Dr. said that she is indeed progressing as far as walking but not there yet. There is also a possibility of autism. If she were autistic she would be considered highly functional but it's something we will deal with when we know for sure. It's tough to just watch her and analyze all this since she was unable to communicate without just yelling and hitting until she was four and Allison began to teach her sign language.

Faith is learning a LOT of words. She still won't look at us long enough for sentences but that's slowly progressing as well. Allison is done choir so she sits with us at Mass know and signs things to Faith when she can get her attention. We aren't sure the exact number of words but she knows but it's over 100! When we go on walks with her she will sign rabbit when she sees one. She tells us to sit down all the time. Potty was one she learned in China, she can tell us when she's taking a dump now as well so we don't have to smell for it (TMI???). She can sign play, bath, stop, now and many others. She understands a lot more of what we sign to her than she can sign back. I still need to teach her "get daddy a beer".

The town has installed our signs as well around the house. They actually put three of them up! One at the front of the house lot and two as you approach the house from each street. Not sure it's helping as cars still fly past here. I should tell the Raynham P.D. that they can park in my driveway and have a ticketing field day, they could nab speeders as well as folks who don't stop at the two way stop sign at the end of the roads.

Faith still loves our trips we take to either the beach or the canal for a bike ride on Monday nights. The beach is a bit much for me however, she's a tough one to chase around and you can't yell at her to stop when she is running off on you so I prefer canal bike rides where I can lock her in the seat behind me and know where she is. We had to take a break from them a couple of Monday's due to the crazy hot weather we had in July, the hottest on record, hope August is at least reasonable!

Today we are off to see some relatives from Allison's dad's side of the family. Adrionna is going to be rededicated for her relatives in Tiverton RI so we have to head down there at 9am. Faith will get to meet some more new relatives!

Well that's enough ramblings for early morning, last day of July 2010.....KG

CAWLI Cousin's Reunion

2010-07-19T09:51:00.002-04:00

We traveled down to Mystic CT on Saturday July 18th for our first CAWLI Cousin's reunion!

We met up with four other families who were with us in China. It was great to see some of the other families that we traveled with and spend a day with them at Harkness Memorial Park in Waterford CT. It was a hot one but everyone had a blast and the kids got along great! Faith seemed to really enjoy seeing Olivia again.

The fun event of the day was wagon trains! John Anderew (in the blue wagon) loved pulling everyone and anyone in the wagons! Faith got a lot of free rides!

The park was awesome! Lot's of quiet roads going through it, right on the Long Island sound (no swimming) so we could wade into the waters. It was an awesome day!

We stayed in Mystic that night and had an interesting stay at the Ramada Mystic. The sign we were welcomed with should have been a tip that not all was in order there.

We got there and before we went over to Mary and Jay and Olivia's house we had to check in and clean up and stuff. Allison was trying to catch the weather and as I walked by the TV it made an interesting noise and went off. Ian, Adam and myself were just going to go to the pool when Ian yelled "The TV is SMOKING". It was indeed! I unplugged it and Allison called room service. Long story short, Ian, Adam and I went to the pool anyway and when we got back we had to switch rooms. Then off to Mary, Jay's and Olivia's and for dinner we had:

That's Mystic Pizza from the movie. Much like Cheers in Boston looks nothing like Cheers from TV, Mystic Pizza is very different from the movie. Julia Roberts doesn't even work there.

We stayed the night at hotel "almost burned down" and went to Mass at St. Patrick's church in Mystic. A nice little church that had Central Air so that was a bonus! After that we spent the day at a playground and then an afternoon stroll around Mystic. We got to see the drawbridge in action so that was cool as well!

Special thanks to Jay and Mary for organizing this, we hope to make it a yearly thing now!

All the photo's can be seen here: http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/2010CAWLICousin#

Summer 2010

2010-07-09T09:59:00.000-04:00

Well the summer of 2010 has been going GREAT! Faith is one of us indeed, she can cause trouble when she wants to be we love her as much as we love Ian and Adam. God has brought this joy into our lives and we couldn't have asked for it to be better!

Here is a rare shot of all three kids together...

Faith loves our beach trips as you can see above. She loves pretty much everything that has to do with water! Also, one of her favorite activities after our trips to Scusset is a stop at DQ for some ice cream, Faith LOVES ice cream. Did I stress that enough - LOVES ice cream!

She also really enjoys all of our friends pools!

We even went out and got ourselves a little redneck pool that we can hang out in. Faith loves it (so does AJ, Ian - not so much). It's small, 8' diameter and only about 3' deep but it's good enough. Faith loves to dive under water and jump around in it, she's the only one small enough to do that stuff! I just love relaxing in it with the kids!

Been a good summer so far, lots of neat trips to Lexington and Concord and Plymouth and the Zoo. In a couple of weeks we will head to Mary and Jay's and Olivia's in Mystic CT to have a kind of reunion. Very much looking forward to seeing all the China folks again!

PEACE! KG.

Fathers Day 2010

2010-06-20T07:59:00.000-04:00

Well it's my first Father's Day with Faith, what a great addition to a Father's Day to Ian and Adam.

I love the way Ian and Adam are with her, they make great big brothers. Faith is already learning sign language faster than me, I knew that wouldn't be long! She is so comfortable around us, loves mom more than me now but that's cool, she's with Allison more than me so that makes sense!

She is learning ASL now and doing it well but it's still frustrating sometimes when you just don't know the signs to communicate with her. A lot of times she knows what we are signing but doesn't know how to sign back. There are also times I have no clue what she wants. We do manage but clearly patience, perseverance and prayers are going to help, I just need to remember to use them!!!

She's learning just to get things on her own as well. She knows where the snack drawer is and likes to help herself to it a LOT! We have to monitor that! Same with the juice bags!

KG

Monday nights at Scusset Beach

2010-05-20T09:39:00.000-04:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/ScussetMay172010#

We started our weekly treks to Scusset Beach on Monday May 17th with the Toste family. May have been a bit early as it was indeed chilly there. The water was painfully cold to stand in. Faith understood not to go into the water. Instead she played in the sand, ran in the sand and just had a generally great time.

Faith loves the beach and had a great time playing with her brothers Ian and Adam. They dug a huge hole and jumped in it, played in it and just chilled in it.

She has grown so much since we met her in early November and has developed a lot as well! She knows a LOT of signs and her stability has improved also. It's fun watching her run in the sand, she runs and cracks up while running.

There will be many more Scusset trips this summer, I promise!!

KG

Faith from summer?

2010-03-29T16:15:00.000-04:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/ChinaCamera#

We sent off a care package prior to heading to China with some clothes, toys and a camera. We sent it around June. All we got back was a camera and we just stumbled across the photos so I uploaded them.

It's amazing to see how much she has grown and how much she has gained with respect to weight and height....

A bit of Americana for Faith

2010-03-22T11:49:00.000-04:00

Photos of Herring Run and Plymouth

Well, we took Faith to see the Herring Run then off to Plymouth so she could see the Mayflower and the Big Old Rock. Not sure she fully understood what it all meant but that's ok, we had fun!

She isn't a sturdy walker on our grass. You should have seen her on the beach in the soft sand! A couple of face fulls of sand and even a bit in the mouth but all was well, she had a great time. AJ had fun too dune jumping!

We definitely tired her out, she fell asleep on the way home.

Faith's Mommies

2010-02-26T02:22:00.001-05:00

Last night, little Faith wasn't feeling so good. She has a icky cough, and this awful inability to puke when she coughs. Yeah fun, but we're grateful we hadn't seen this since Wuhan. I can handle throw up when there is no possible of me puking 24 hour later germs attached to them, but it is still unnerving especially when it happens in their sleep. So I choice to sleep on the couch, easier and quicker access to her room if she needed me. Around 2:30, she needed me. I brought her out to the couch, laid her head on my chest, tucked her feet between my legs to stay warm (she has a tendency to cuddle up to me with little frog legs anyway - I wonder if this has anything to do with how the seem to bundle and carry the babies that I heard about from my friends who adopted infants?).   This is just one of the many questions about her life before us that I spend so much time pondering about.

Last night, as we lay there, her coughing, and me trying to help her relax so she can rest and get well, I started to again ponder her early life. I thought about her birth mother, the woman who would have held her just as I was as little baby. How long did it take them to realize she couldn't hear? Who's decision was it to abandon her? Was it the mother's, ashamed she'd brought not only a female to her husband, but one with a handicap? Did she cry, as she placed her baby down in the parking lot of the hospital probably under the cover of night and run away? What was Faith's birth name? Did Faith cry in the dark, without the safety of an adult nearby? How long did she lay there before she was found? Abandoned - left without a trace of who you are, a history you will never recover. Can any of us fathom what this feels like to the million of Chinese girls who will experience this reality every day?

Then came her second mommy, her foster mother. I am sad I wasn't able to meet her, that I have no pictures of her to share with Faith. That there is more history I will not be able to complete for Faith. I know so very little of her 3 years with this family. Were they loving or distant? She is so loveable but I am never sure if that is because she never had it, or had so much of it that she continues to crave that closeness? I did read that children who never make attachments are the ones that struggle to bond with their new families, so I can only assume from her quick bonding to us, that she was indeed loved and nurtured.   Her behavior, and the little information we do have, would suggest she was actually spoiled - given whatever she wanted maybe out of pity, or perhaps that little sly smile won over the men in her life (as it continues to do here!) What were her days like, she doesn't easily engage with toys and books, she'd sit on my lap all day long and do nothing but cuddle if I allowed her too.  Yet, oddly the minute we get out in public she's a wild woman -- running around, wiggling out of my arms, and generally the complete opposite of how she is at home. I know all parents say that, but this is more than the usual, there is definitely something to her behavior - I am starting to suspect it is a reaction to the overstimulation that being out of the house creates.  I am sure she was not out very much, and hasn't learned coping strategies with stimulus that comes from being out of the safety and familarity of your home.

Which brings me to the final ponder of the day - as her third mommy, how safe do I make her feel? How secure is she that there isn't a fourth mommy in her future. I do pray, that isn't God's plan for her!! Not just because I don't want to be dead or divorced lol, but I would be heartbroken to see her have to suffer any more traumatic transitions in her life. She is truly remarkable that after all this, she continues to trust human beings to care for her, that she allows them to love her and returns it with such complete resolve that it is overwhelming.  I am always having to remind myself its only been 4 months, it does still feel like she's been here forever, the fact that we waited 6 MONTHS from the moment we got her picture to the day we met her, seems a blink of an eye now!! I know now that there was no way they could have prepared her for our coming, I never received back my photoalbum I sent, so I doubt that she ever saw it. That day , November 2, 2009, was the first time she'd ever laid eyes on us!! She let us pick her up, hold her hand, and leave with her, without a tear.   God had to be whispering in her heart, these are the ones I had been telling you about ... these are parents I promised you, thank you my little dear for being so patient with My perfect plan, even when it must have seemed I'd forsaken you.

Faith is Baptised!

2010-02-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

Here are the photos!

Like the covenant of Marriage that made Allison and I one family on October 10, 1989 and the covenant of adoption that we took on to make Faith a part of our family in November of 09, another covenant was professed and celebrated on February 21, 2010 - that of Faith's Baptism and becoming part of the family of Christ.

It was a truly God inspired day. Faith even gave the thumbs up after her baptismal bath! It was an awesome day and we would like to thank all those involved that made it so special, I can't name you all by name - there are too many of you but you know who you are!

Thank you all so much!

Educational Visitors

2010-02-12T15:04:00.000-05:00

Some of the things God has brought to fruition in this journey have been beyond comprehension, today was another one of those moments. Before, we brought Faith home, I received an email from a Professor of Deaf Studies at Holy Cross. She was very interested in meeting Faith, and would like to make herself available to me for whatever help I needed in making sure she had whatever necessary to acquire language. In addition, she has someone in her department that teaches ASL, that just happens to not only be deaf but also Chinese! She even knows Chinese sign language -- which was cool to learn that Faith's thumbs up sign is actually Chinese Sign for good!!! Neat!! The connection had come from my cousin's sister in law -- you just NEVER know who God is going to use in His plans!!
Well, after we got home, I emailed Professor Fask to update her on our return and progress thus far. She invited Faith and I to Worcester, but being winter and so much going on trying to teach the boys, make all Faith's doctor's appointments and work my own part time jobs I was having a hard time finding time. She emailed and asked if they could come to us!! Wow!! Some people's generosity of time and kindness of heart blows me away! I obviously agreed, and today was our much anticipated visit.

It was so wonderful- they were both amazing woman, a wealth of information for me. The biggest question I have been struggling with is what language to teach Faith - ASL? Signed English? Oral Language? There are remarkably many options. They were so good in explaining the benefits of a visual language (ASL) for deaf, especially someone with profound deafness like Faith. She suggested eating dinner with voice off, and seeing how much Faith misses - as she tries to figure out who is speaking, what is being said, and if there are 2 people speaking at once,or if the conversation volleys quickly, as it can -- she is only getting bits and pieces. The oneness on deciphering the conversation is all on her, which is pretty stinky for any one, but esp. a little kid. I am even more determined to master ASL - and they have provided me a resource for Family Sign classes, where the person comes here and even better at no cost to us!! God rocks!! and continues to be faithful to his promise to help us if we just agreed to trust Him and bring this beautiful child into our lives!!

They had so many amazing suggestions - finding a deaf babysitter, playgroups and socials for the deaf - that we as a family can attend, and I am grateful of the respect given to our home school lifestyle. The bible says, God calls you to it, he will guide or lead you through it. Although I have always read that in regards to troubles, I can see now that it can also relate to the missions He puts before us. We are called to educate our children, for various reason, the homeschool model works well for us. I can see that God will provide me the resources, and education I need to be the best provider of education for them -- and you can't beat all the time and attention this allows me to give her (and the boys). It also makes for a closer bond between Ian and her, as 14 and 4 is a big age gap - if he was in school I find it hard to imagine that they'd share the love they do. It is so sweet to see, and since he truly wants to be a sign language interpreter, I can't think of better education than 'hands' on :)))

So we march on, filled with names and numbers to follow up on, some times its overwhelming, and I feel guilty that maybe I'm not moving fast enough to put things into place, but then I think she's only been here 3 months. To us, and to this new life she's still a baby, I certainly wouldn't stick a baby in school. We have time, we continue to implement what we can, love her to pieces, and stay diligent, and we know the rest will come ... God will make sure of that!

3 Months later

2010-02-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

So many times I'll be in the shower or driving in the car, and my mind will draft a post, but then I dry off, or get home, and life gets in my way of actually typing it out! Most of my free time for writing in the last 6 weeks was devoted to finally finishing my Womens' Catholic bible study that I have been planning and drafting for 3 years!    Thanks to my awesome Bible babe buddies (ha ha), who graciously agreed to test it out for me, its almost done! Just some edits, and a leader's guide, and God willing someone will be interested in publishing it!!

The other little matter taking my time would be our precious new daughter!! Faith continues to challenge us daily, amaze us hourly, and fill our hearts with love every minute!! I can not believe its only been 3 months, I know that is a cheesy line, but its so true. More and more I feel like she's been with us since the day of her birth, I often can not even remember life without her - -except I think my back ached a little less (more reason to thank God for not asking me to carry and deliver our 3 child!).

Days in the Gingras house are crazier than before, but we'll take it!! I am so grateful I am able to be here with her (and the boys), it is an incredible blessing!  One thing I hadn't expected, but happily love is all the cuddle, holding time she'd require. I often wonder if she looks for this holding/cuddling time because it was something she was used to in her Foster family (they were both retired - including the spoiling Foster Dad, or if she never had it and is just eating it up. I honestly can't speculate either way but am so grateful for it. It is what I dreamed of, a little girl that loves me, and wants to be with me - a far cry from those first 2 weeks. That is the good part, the hard part is the time -- I am already organizational challenged!! So my to do list is growing longer, but to see her thrive is worth every undone project!!

So what is the little squid up to ... LOTS! As Kevin blogged she now has glasses, which explained to much to me -- why she wasn't sitting for books, or staying focused when I was doing vocabulary type ASL lessons with her. Why she liked to write (aka scribble) but never seemed to LOOK at what she was doodling on the paper!!   I have seen small improvements since the glasses, and I am sure as she gets used to them, and we do these activities more and more will have more cooperation from her -- again this is the issue of forgetting she's only been here for 3 months!! My expectations are definitely skewed!!    I have bought her more 'baby' type toys realizing that the skills children gleam from playing with those, are essential to learning. I also realized she missed out having those things, so she now has interlocking beads and a busy box, and I can tell from the amount of time she spends with it, it was money well spent. She is also very into her cash register (anything with buttons to push!!), her Doodle Pro (thanks the generosity of Isabel!) and playdoh. I LOVE watching her discover and learn -- she is so easy to occupy so that the boys and I can do our lessons together. However, when not occupied she is velcroed to one of us!!

The challenges so far have been trying to communicate emotions and non-concrete ideas -- such as its gross to pick your nose, runny away from us as soon as we let go of your hand in a public place is dangerous, and Mommy is a germaphobe so don't lick counters at the Build a Bear, don't expect to play with toys at the doctor's office, and expect to have your hands covered in hand sanitizer before and after (and sometimes during) every outing outside the house!! I did teach her the signs for "dirty", "dangerous", "careful", "share", "wait your turn", I am not completely sure the meanings have taken hold.   But that's part of the process, we have to consider her language that of a infant or toddler, they take years to get the meanings, make connection and spontaneously return conversation, she will follow that same pattern. I do give her credit for what she's accomplished in 3 months!! She can tell us her basic needs - hunger, tissue, potty, bed, etc.   As far as teaching emotions, I accidently stumbled across something -- Kevin taught her this game of going for a kiss and then pulling away as a joke. Which I Hated!! I know strong word, but oh I would just want this quick kiss, and have to play the game!! So, I started signing that it made me sad, when she would deny my kiss, and when she did finally kiss me I'd sign that it made me happy. In a few days, SHE HERSELF would add those signs to the game (saving Dad lol), and helping us start to develop emotion understanding!! It is cool, so now she can relate to sad and happy !!

My next writing project is this adoption story, including as I mentioned a few months ago the back story of how God brought us to this point. Just need to tackle the taxes this week, and then will be writing - hope that you will continue to check back as amazing as having her is, what God did in the 2 years leading up to this moment was amazing ... I still awe at the fact that He allowed us to be part of that (this) story!!

Anybody still read this thing?

2010-02-09T15:20:00.000-05:00

Well, if you are Faith needed glasses. On Feb 5th Allison took her to the eye doctor and they did some dilation thing and based on how light reflected in her eyes were able to determine she can't see very well close up!

That night and a trip to Lensecrafters later she has glasses now, rather thick lensed ones!

I honestly didn't think she could get any cuter but alas, they actually make her cuter!

She does well keeping them on since she can now see while wearing them. They do need to be cleaned several times per but that's ok, at least she's pushing them back on her tiny nose!

Birthday Girl

2010-01-11T02:16:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post about Faith's first birthday with us. It was actually rather uneventful. We put her to bed at 8:30 , she was wiped out from a busy weekend, and I looked at Kevin and realized we never GAVE her our birthday gifts!! We got home from an sleepover in time for her nap, then we woke her in time to head to Mass, then Ihop for a very late dinner, and home in time for bed again LOL. So basically her 4th birthday was spent eating and sleeping, and a little God tossed in -- all of Mom's favorites!!

I am still having trouble coming to grips with this made up birthday, it really bugs me that the parents couldn't have at least stuck a note with her telling her birthday! She just doesn't seem 4, or maybe it is hard to add another year to her age, when we've only known her for 2 months as a 3 year old! Kevin jokes that it is not like we can just saw her in half and count the rings, someone else has suggested a dentist might better tell us her age from her teeth? It is not like I need to know for any real reason except my own selfishness of not wanting her to grow up too fast, psychologically having a child go from 3 to 4 in just 2 months is difficult. I have already had to catch myself numerous times expecting too much from her, now that she's 4 I hope I can control my feeble brain to not expect even more!!

So funny that the transition has been so seamless, your brain is tricked into forgetting she has NOT been with you her whole life. That she has experienced a complete upheavel of her little life, that she will have many psychological struggles as she grows and develops. That our love will get her through a great deal of the pain and loss, but we'll never be able to completely take it away. These are the little things that you have to fight to keep from overtaking your thoughts -- the worries of what will be as the days, months and years progress. Always trying to stay vigilant, and not complacent as to not miss signs that she needs help in something. Alas, isn't this the struggle of all parents, biological and adoptive -- balancing your own life's needs and responsiblity, with those of your children. Thank goodness for prayers, "Cast all your worries on Him because HE cares about you," (1 peter 5:7) ... good to know Kevin and I have such an amazing parenting partner in this life!!

Quick update on Faith's progress -- we started back watching Sarah and Grace this week, they don't come very much but we had put off restarting to be sure Faith was ready to share Mommy and brothers. It was a perfect start back, she LOVES her 2 new friends!! She played very well with them both, I love how they both are learning sign language ( I never feel over with the 13 month old signed PLEASE! when she wanted the toy Faith had - it was awesome!!)   Being so overly sentimental like I am, I find it so very cool, that one of my daughter's first friends, is the daughter of one of my very first friends!!

Faith has been doing great sleeping in her own bed. I am going to guess her bed in China was a mat on the floor, because quite a few times, she has grabbed a pillow from a couch (not just at our house) , and placed it on a small carpet or mat on the floor, and covered herself with a blanket, and signed 'Sleep'.   There are so many questions I wish I had asked the caretakers when I had them - but it wasn't her foster parents, so I really don't know how much of the information would have been actually about FengHua, and how much would have been what kids do in general. I am sure, God is protecting my heart from not letting me know too much, it would probably just break my heart to know. I already have to fit feeling guilty and sad that it took us 6 months to get her out of the country once we had been matched. In more luicd moments I DO know that it was God's plan for our family to prepare all of us, for whatever reason, in making us wait all that time. Most children are matched and home within 6 to 8 weeks of referral, we had to wait 24 weeks!!   I spent so much time before the Lord in Adoration during that time, and I know He was preparing us - I have pages and pages of journal entries that assure me of that!

So what else can I report about our princess - she has become a finicky eater, mostly because she can! No longer worried about her next meal, she knows she gets fed about every 2 hours, and if she isnt' crazy about what is before her, there will be another offering varily soon. She has a sign vocabulary of about 20 words now. She is a total monkey, copying all we do -- which in some cases IS not very good! I knew I should have secluded her from all the men in our house until I had her completely molded into all the proper girl ways of life!! Especially for someone who thinks everything is a game lol, some days can be rather challenging!   I guess that is what makes us family - its not just my influence on her, but hers on me, and a great exchange of personalities life, working and loving together!!

Happy Birthday FengHua, thank you for continuing to enlighten us in the most amazing ways!

Christ and the Christening Gown

2009-12-29T21:50:00.000-05:00

Now that Christmas Day has come and gone (though we know the Christmas season continues until Sunday), it is time in the part of my brain that needs to plan things, to start thinking about Faith's Baptism. I am so excited about this day, which will be Sunday, Feb. 21st, which turns out to be the 2 year anniversary of our very FIRST meeting with CAWLI (the adoption agency). A pretty neat date connection (I AM ridiculously into date connections!!).   The only better date would have been her birthday (the made up one given to her in China) , which is January 10th. That date would be very cool to be baptized on, as it is the day that the Church celebrates the Baptism of the Lord!!

So the planning has begun, step one which actually began 2 years ago when we started this process was choosing Godparents. That has to be one of the toughest decisions you make for you child, the decision is a lifetime commitment, and with so many faithful people in our life choosing 2 was hard. Well, the godmother wasn't because I knew right away I wanted my 'second' sister, my cousin Heather. Which brings me today's story... step two, shopping for the Christening gown.

Taking advantage of Christmas time off, Heather, Faith and I met in Quincy/Braintree for lunch and a festive shopping trip. Not familiar with the area, I did some internet research, found a dress shop that looked perfect -- had christening and flower girl dresses, and a large selection. It was called GRANDASIA, which until I saw the sign and the Chinese silk dresses in the window didn't realize the name is GRAND... ASIA... I was thinking flower (don't ask - my brain is a complex and often confused place). The trusty Tom-Tom brings us right to the door, there was a beautiful pull through parking place on the street (yeah, never mastered that parallel parking thing!!)   Its cold, although we were happy the rain had stopped during our lunch. I gather Faith out of the carseat, and off we hustle to the store, which from a distance looks awfully dark inside. It looked dark upclose as well, as is commonplace with adults with AD/HD, I forgot to check out minute details such as HOURS OF OPERATION!!!

We hustle (its cold remember, and I was fond of the 70s) back to the van, and start tapping away on the blackberry and Tom-Tom looking for other dress shops in the area. We are on mainstreet Quincy - there has to be someplace else we can go -- I SO wanted to find Faith's dress with her Godmother present!! I begin to pray (I know big shock!!), and Heather finds 2 viable options we plug them into ole' Tom and off we go. We are unable to locate the places listed - oh wait, we did find one it was closed (permanently - hate this economy). In our travels around and around Hancock street (think Chevy Chase in Lapoon's vacation, "Look kids Big Ben, Parliment") we see this small shop, Simply Barbara's. On the wall, what looks like a sleu of little white dresses.   I suggest we call and see if they are opened (before I attempt more on street parking, and another the squid wrestling). The woman that answers the phone, hesitates are our questions of whether they sell flower girl dresses, and if they are open - but relents that they are open, and off we go.

THIS Is when Christ appears ... see long story short, the boutique was actually closed, but something told her that we needed help, and to open for us. She asked me fairly quickly in our visit if I was Christian (though I have to confess with her heavy which I think was Nigerian accent, and my befuddled state thought she was asking me if my name was Kristen, which would be my sister but in hindsight how would SHE know my sister's name). Anyway, Heather, a very level headed and highly intelligent young lady, politely cleared up the confusion for her elderly cousin - and I very enthusiastically answered, "YES, OH yes!! Very Christian!!" At which point I see behind her a framed bible verse, realize it is Gospel music playing in the background, and on the floor beneath the dresses is an icon of the Holy Family. Of course, of course God you are still watching over Faith -- even the seamstress could see that, without knowing any of the story, she just smiled down at Faith commenting on how Christ was certainly with this little girl.   It was a chill filling, head shaking, OH MY Goodness this is amazing, kind of experience!!

She reminded us that the bible tells us to speak His name always and often, that we are here to serve Him, and that she has seen and done things that would amaze us, that her shop was far more than making dresses for important occasions. Evident further by her response to her children who came into the shop sometime after us, and perplexed asked their mother, 'Arent' you closed." She just smiled and responded, "They needed me."   Imagine this world, if we all put our agenda aside, our own needs and plans aside, and had the attitude, "I changed what I wanted to do , because they needed me."

She was so amazing with Faith, gentle, kind, I truly felt in the presence of one of Christ's disciples (which she had called herself). We fell in love with the second dress we saw, and first she put on, like a bride, you know its the right one when everyone in the store is crying! My mind is such at ease that she will do wonderfully fitting the squid, and that her prayers will be added to ours as another person is initiated into God's family!   I think Barbara said it best at the end of our visit, "God is real, God is with us, and God is among us, He is in everything" Amen, my new Christian friend... Amen!!

A new day

2009-12-23T15:35:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of adages -- mine for today is, "What a difference a day makes"! Faith and I had such a great day. We started the day with more shots, poor kid, there should be just one more round, and then she ages out of needing the last set...small positive there. She was so good, cooperative, doesn't cry -- makes the 'scrunch' face of disgust she seems to have perfected, and that I find cute now that it isn't directed at me!    I do find her perchance for pain a bit disturbing ,and definitely something to monitor!

Then it was off to BJs Wholesale club to finish our Christmas shopping, she is a great shopping companion! She helps me disinfect the carriage with "magic soap" aka hand sanitizer. She never asks for something, and not because she doesn't have the words, because believe me she has NO problem making wants known!! She is content to hold whatever is next to go in the carriage, or my cell phone, which SHE has figured out how to lock and so she's not calling friends back in China on me as I shop!

OH and the best news of today -- not really, but if you've been following the battle of the ponytails, you'll know why this is so exciting! I went to a cookie swap with some great veteran GIRL moms! They told me about these little elastics (pretty much one time use), that really hang onto the hair, making removal nearly impossible!   They are my gift this Christmas because FINALLY after 6 weeks, we have pigtails (mom's favorite) that are NOT pulled out as soon as I finish them, actually not pulled out at all! Plus now that she's lost that battle she has stopped pulling out barretts and off hats too - wonderful stuff!!

After coming home from a loooonnnng shopping trip!! Man I love that place, I could just wander up and down the isles all day!! We had a nice lunch together - she has really taken a liking to Italian food (well what is originally Italian, when I get done with it - most Italians would not take credit for it!!) Last night she scoffed down Tortellini's (aka belly-buttons) in chicken broth ( I love when she picks up the bowl with one hand, and scoops the liquid with the spoon into her mouth -- it is an adorable cultural thing that I hope she never loses!!) , for lunch its was cheese ravoli with sauce (how come every time I dress her in white I feed her red sauce!! She was fine, that Tink bib does wonders!!)

Now brings me to the reason I blogged, it was during yesterday's lunch that I realized how much she doesn't know, and how challenging it will be to teach her abstract thoughts, and the day continued to be a difficult day of frustrations and miscommunications. Today, was a brand new day - and I believe it to be a product of spending my day (no not whining and moping, as my post and FB status would suggest) but in praying. Every spare moment I had, I offered my thoughts and frustrations heavenward - seeking intercession from St. Therese (whom I learned in the movie of her life was homeschooled-- sweet!), and St. Francis de Sales (patron of the deaf), and of course our Lady. Just gave over my insecurities, my inabilities, and my grumpiness!! The bible says, Ask and you shall receive. I know I have to cooperate with the spirit, but do feel today that I have been given a renewed hope and peace.

Evident in our lunch - we had a great little conversation (showing me that you don't always need words to convey feeling), and then we colored and practiced her name. The best was just before nap, she sat on my lap with the same book I struggled yesterday afternoon to read/sign with her. Yesterday, she tried turning to the end of the book with every page, she wouldn't look at me, or copy any of the signs, she was distant and distracted, my heart was so heavy and filled with doubt (are you sure God I have the talents and patience to be her teacher, are you sure??) Today -- she sat and looked not only through that book but 2 others, turning pages one by one, trying to copy the signs, and turning to smile at me periodically. A gift, these small moments, these ones I took for granted with the boys, are so poignant when they are proceeded by frustration and doubt.

I am grateful as alwasy for God's faithfulness to keep me prayerful in this journey.   When I arrived home, I was spiritually exhausted. My bible reading dropped off, Mass addiction (either going in person or watching EWTN - love those priests!) had waned considerally, Divine Mercy devotion sporadic ... I had slipped from the mountain top to a lull -- more a plateau then a valley -- nothing bad was happening that I usually associate with the valley of spiritual growth, but nothing good either. I was just existing, putting out the daily fires, going through the motions. It certainly didn't help that the holidays kicked right in, which are just not a historically easy time emotionally for me. I had shut down, I doubt I am alone in any of these feelings, I am sure you've all been there. In the past, I would have allowed the world to continue to swallow me up, and draw further and further away from God and my faith -- and this is what I am so grateful for today , that I don't. That He accepts even my smallest or shortest prayers, and sees that my heart still longs for Him, and He never leaves, or gives up... and with every drawing near , He draws near.   The JOY of the LORD is my strength, even when I don't have the strength to see that...I pray that you too will find your JOY in the Lord especially during the celebration of His Son's birth. Merry Christmas!!

Communication

2009-12-22T13:25:00.000-05:00

This afternoon while Faith and I enjoyed a quiet lunch together, I was struck by just how quiet life can be sometimes. The soft ticking of the clock and hum of the refridgerator was all I heard, while I know her lunch was even quieter.   As I look at her precious little face, I am struck that we are definitely not signing to her as often as we should - limiting it to direct needs or commands. As I had just finished reciting the prayer before meals, I try to sign it now with her, but her random signing back to me shows that while making progress memorizing signs, the meanings are still lost to her.

We've seen a lot of this, just a random barrage of signs when she is trying to convey something to us - she signs Faith, please, bed, finished, daddy, potty, all in a string, hoping that one of these silly things people keep doing in her face with their hands will get them to jump up and help her with whatever the present need is. Kevin complained, rightly so yesterday, that all we seem to be saying to her lately is "No". Although I wholeheartedly agree and would love to be more positive in my communications especially around things that are dangerous, I am finding it much easier to tell someone NO to what they are doing, then explaining BEFORE they do it, that it isn't something they can do! Think that sentence is confusing, try being a non-english speaking 3 year old trying to explore your environment with overprotective English-speaking, hearing parents who are constantly shadowing you and redirecting you from all that looks fun. We tell her yes, but it seems those things are not quite as intriguing as the 'no' areas -- stove, buttons on the dishwasher, my camera, the portable phones that get left all around the house, outlets, stairs, toilets... the typical toddler stuff of interest.

The area of real frustration for me however is in communicating things of deeper meaning. For instance, today I was really sad about something (not that I would discuss the problem with a 3 year old) but what I would have loved to have shared, was how I turned to the bible for guidance, and opened right to a passage that answered me in the exact way I needed. Let me note it was NOT what I wanted God to say, I was looking for a "yeah don't sweat it, you can ignore it" but what I got was "you can do this with my help, it is not for you to judge but to do according to my Will".   Augh, I hate those answers, those are the ones that make us more like God, and less like our pitiful human selves, and although the grow us spiritually always come with a little discomfort or sacrafice on our part -- but alas I digress.   I wanted to share what an amazing and loving Father in Heaven we have, and that it had made Mommy' sad change to glad. I have to admit I did sign it all to her, the best I could, and received back a barrage of random signs -- cute but didn't really instill confidence that I am getting through.

The next moment I was back to the 'nos' -- or the 'don'ts' in this case. Gently trying to teach that we don't stick the opposite end of the spoon in our eyes, nose or mouth. That napkins are for wiping our hands and mouths, not the cheesy spoon. That we need to chew the food in our mouth, not suck on it like chewing tobacco ( a new habit we are perplexed by but working through as we realize these are all new textures and tastes).   The time will come when I can share with her the wonder of the snow on the ground, the beating of my heart for her and for my Lord, and can explain all the yesses in the world!

Although this all saddens me, but I am quickly reminded its only been 6 weeks, that time will prove this all different, just as it did with our connecting back in China. I pray that her language acquisition comes as quickly as her love acquisition did !!

Waiting for Faith

2009-12-16T00:09:00.000-05:00

This was first posted on Facebook, but realizing not all the blog followers have FB, I decided to post it here too. I am hoping to start blogging the back story - the how we got to this point, which was filled with so many Godcidences , that if I DIDN'T believe in God before this journey, I'd be hard pressed not to now!!! God directed throughout (and of course, still) ... this was a very powerful night of prayer and communication with God, I pray it blesses you as well!!

Patience is defined by dictionary.com as an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. Christian definitions include ideas of letting go of our own plan and leaving God in control, its an act of love, and fruit of living in the Holy Spirit of God. it’s a virtue, because it is a very valuable personality characteristic. One I have discovered is of utmost necessity when adopting from a foreign country. The other virtue of importance is that of faith. Faith is defined in the Catholic Catechism a theological virtue by which we believe in God and we believe all that he has said and revealed to us. This week has been filled with more practice in these than ever before in my life, alas practice makes perfect.

The next leg of our journey to Faith, began on Monday night (very late Monday night). I began to feel an overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I ventured into Faith’s bedroom, whose door I keep closed most of the time because its hard to see it empty. Suddenly I was just overcome with emotion, I dropped to my knees on the side of her bed and began to sob. The type of sobs that come from so deep within you , they almost produce fear on their own, because they are raw, and uncontrollable - but very healing. I cried out to the Lord all my fears. “Are you sure God that we are the family to do this work? I am filled with anxiety about travel, and being able to console this nearly 4 year old being ripped from the only world she knows, with no way of communicating the plan.” The words spilled from my heart, the deep fears I’ve been fighting, hiding, holding on to. I could no longer bear it alone, and I gave them all to God -- just as Jesus instructs us in Matthew 11: 28 - 30:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Feeling indeed unburdened by this moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare the boys assignments for the next day. God in his ultimate love and compassion places before me three signs that bring more light to my heavy spirit. First, the notepad I grab, from a tin of at least 6 notepads is adorned with a giant beautiful butterfly. I had been seeing a butterfly as a sign of hope, daily, since an intense prayer session about 2 weeks earlier. You see, butterflies are deaf, just as is my daughter, and it is a beautiful symbol to remind me of her, and the loving arms both of are held in each day as we wait to be united.

Second, as I calculate which saint my son was to read about the next day, I turn to St. Don Bosco in his book. He happens to be one of my favorite saints because of his devotion to Mary, love of confession, and heart for children in need. The quote for the day on Don Bosco’s page, “Please pray today for all the children with no homes and no families.”

Third, as I’m placing the books on the counter for the morning, I glance at our scriptural flipchart that sits under the Sacred Heart of Jesus icon. It had been flipped to Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. You are great at putting your trust in God. Keep following him and you will be amazed at what he does.

A warmth filled my being, the one that comes with peace knowing you are not alone, and that God is not only hearing you but reaching out to answer. This verse has been very prominent in the adoption process, emerging last July, when a friend gave me a huge plaque with the word TRUST on it, and the first line of the verse. She creates these with people’s life verses on them, and said she felt inspired to create it for me. To be honest, at first I was disappointed, as I had always counted Gal 2:20 (It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me), as my life verse. It was so beautiful, and being a prayerful person, I knew that indeed God had wanted this for me and that within time it would be revealed. Faithfully it has, over and over again, and always JUST when I need to be reminded that a life of faith, is also a life of trust in the one who created me, wants only good for me, and loves me immeasurably.

Although comforted by these signs, I knew God had more to share. I felt a very strong desire to sit quietly with his word. On many occasions before God has spoken light and love into my heart through the reading of scripture. I searched for one of my 7 bibles, but I had cleaned that day, and they were all tucked away on shelves, in bible study bags, or upstairs with my sleeping husband. The one book left out was St. Maria Faustina’s diary. As I looked down at it, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my husband the day before when he revealed that even Sr. Faustina had experienced moments of fear. Early this summer I had begun a devotion to the Divine Mercy (the prayer given to us by Jesus through his conversations with Sr. Faustina), praying the chaplet everyday at 3 o’clock. Inspired, I grabbed the book and returned to Faith’s bedroom.

I sat in the near dark on her floor, and prayed over the book. Lord, I asked, lead me to where she writes about her fear so that I may learn from her experience. I opened the book, but was first lead to day six of the Divine Mercy novena. Here Jesus states:

Today bring to Me the meek and humble souls and the souls of the little children, and immerse them in My mercy. These souls most closely resemble My Heart. They strengthened Me during My bitter agony. I saw them as earthly Angles, who would keep vigil at My altars. I pour out upon them whole torrents of grace. Only the humble soul I able to receive My grace. I favor humble souls with My confidence.

Sr. Faustina enters into her journal about learning from Jesus. I thought about the scripture readings where the little children are brought to Jesus, and we are counseled to have faith like a child. I thought about Jesus love for Faith, and the grace he had and will continue to pour over her during this transition in her own life. My heart longed to be humble and meek, and I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and for a blessing of grace to understand and accept God’s plan without fear.

Once more, I prayed asking to be lead to the page in this nearly 700 page book where Sr. Faustina shares with Jesus her fear. I opened the book to page 345, the diary entry for January 14, 1937 where Jesus first words to her are, “My daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear?” Tears flowed down my cheeks, I put the book aside, and laid prostrate on the floor praising and thanking God for this gift (even though I had not read another word yet, I KNEW I was enveloped in his loving embrace and would soon be counseled by Jesus himself). Excitedly I returned to the book and read on.

Sr. Faustina wrote, “O Lord, You know why. This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” Jesus presses, asking again, “Why?” At which point, she much like I had done an hour before spills it all out. I am going to add what thoughts were racing through my head in brackets as I read her words.

You see very well that I am not in good health [for me, it’s an ongoing struggle with anxiety], that I have no education [for me, I thought of the doubts that come when I am challenged on whether I can teach a deaf child language.], that I have no money [self explanatory], that I am an abyss of misery [see early part of story when I knelt in the same spot wailing just moments before], that I fear contacts with people [for me, I thought of my absolute obsession with avoiding the piggy flu, and my sometimes consuming worry about the consequences if we can not].

It is Jesus’ reply that is PRICELESS!!! There was no doubt as I read, that he was talking directly to me, and once again I will interject my thoughts as I read with brackets.

My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable [way to console me gently], and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you [are you ready for this] -- who are nothing but misery itself. [Yes, by now I am wholeheartedly humbled. Which is perfect because now I am open to God’s perfect plan, and to receive the peace and strength he is trying to send me, that up to now I had been rejecting out of fear and doubt.] DO NOT FEAR; I will not leave you alone. [Thank you, Jesus]. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that.

Here in the last few sentences was the instruction I so desperately needed. As well as the assurance that I am not capable of doing this, that without God it is impossible, but that HE will bring to completion the good work he has begun. That I will be equipped with all I need according to what is needed, and I don’t even have to think about the unknown in this situation but only what is in my power. So I laid against the wall, eyes to the heavens and pondered what in this situation was within my power. Praying and preparing -- so that is what I resolved to do.

A scary moment in Wuhan

2009-12-16T00:02:00.000-05:00

I've been meaning to blog this event from our trip that we intentionally left out while there as to not worry our parents back home. One of the scariest moments for us in China came on day 2 of having custody of Faith. We had put her down for a nap, but had forgotten to put on a pull up. Like is very common in 3 year olds, she wet the bed during her nap. It was a soaker - who'd a thought such a little person held so much urine!! We had no choice but to call housekeeping to come change the sheets. Now what transpired next SHOULD have been the scariest part of this story, but unfortunately, it got worse. The housekeeper ( a sweet looking and tiny little man/boy) came with a new duvet cover for our comforter. See hotels in china don't have top sheets or blankets, just a nice cozy comforter with a fresh (you pray) duvet cover...perfect choose for the warm climate we were visiting! Anyway, he FLIPS THE very large comforter to put the PEE part at the foot of the bed, and puts on the new duvet. YUP - leaves the comforter -- I have heard pee is sterile, and I had to keep with that thought or else I'd never get back into that or any other bed in China ever again!!! Luckily it was the middle, and her little legs didn't reach down there anyway.

As he is changing the sheets, Faith is sitting in Daddy's lap in a chair next to the bed. She has woken up wet, and I am sure each time she first woke and realized this wasn't a dream that she wasn't in Kansas anymore, and these 2 strange looking, smelling, smiling people were still there, and the family she'd known for 3 years was no where to be seen! So each nap was followed by lots of tears, and cuddles(with daddy), which seemed to bring back calm quickly, however this day I WAS the one to remove her from bed, which she took GREAT exception too, and then had to stripe her down (which brought shivers like I'd never seen before - the a/c that hadn't worked since we arrived finally decided to blow frigid air into the room, and on top of that -- you ever wake from a nice warm cozy nap and just can't get warm!!), anyway, these 2 strikes lead to a MAJOR meltdown by Ms. FengHua. She was a wreck, as she had a runny nose when we got her, the crying had lead to a coughing fit, runny nose, and all around mess of a child now nestled on Daddy's lap.

The Chamberdude finished his work, and turned with a jerk ... oh sorry, got wrapped up in the Christmas spirit for a minute there. A few moments later, the phone rings and its the front desk. Read this in your best very thick Chinese accent, "Hello, your child is sick? She have fever? You need help, thermometer, we get you to hospital?" WHAT!!!! WHOA THERE LITTLE FELLA!! WHAT?? My mind couldn't gather quick enough, now I"M the one shivering uncontrollably as the fear rolls over my body. We had been traveling at the height of the H1N1 scare, we had to pass heat sensors in the airports to enter the country, the news ran tons of stories about quarantined tourists, everyone around us was wearing masks -- and now the front desk of a hotel in a communist country is asking me if my chid is sick! No, God no... this can't be happening. I quickly explain that she hates me (no seriously that is what I said in my panic!!), that she was mad that I touched her, which made her cry hysterically, and that is why she looked so horrendous. NOT sick, I said, UPSET...you know, crying, makes her look like that, not sick, really she's not sick. Oh Yeah, Perry Mason has nothing on my slick speaking skills!!

He apologizes profusely, and hangs up. I IMMEDIATELY (do not pass go, do not collect $200) call our Chinese Guide, I'm talking even faster than I normally talk - which is probably breaking land speed records at this point. I implore her to call the front desk, make sure they are clear that our child is healthy (which I have to confess wasn't 100% the truth, they had given her to us with a slight fever and runny nose, but a little motrin later she wasn't sick no more!!). While ON the phone I'm shoving Children's Motrin at Kevin to force into Faith - just in case they show up at the door with a thermometer. OH I had visions of armed military at my door, escorting us to the nearest H1N1 invested Emergency room -- nope, not over active imagination here!! She is assuring me its ok, probably just a misunderstanding, no one was going to come banging the door down forcing temps to be taken.

I hang up ,and look at the clock its 3 p.m. - the divine mercy hour! HOW perfect...for I believe as Sr. Faustina relayed, that Jesus will grant whatever you ask during this time, as long as its not against His Father's holy will. I also realize that at some point in my phone conversations, I have ended up on my knees beside the bed. In the best position to pray, I make my request to Jesus, praying it is His Father's will that this be ok, without ER trips, or investigations. I pray the chaplet, and make a few more PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Lord make this ok!! The phone rings ... it is our guide. She tells us that the front desk manager is extremely embarassed by his mistake, that the housekeeper had been mistaken, and that they truly were just calling to see if they could help, not condemn us. It is a 5 star, swanky hotel after all - they want to make sure their patrons are well taken care of... I have to say , until the waiter brought room service, and was able to observe Faith -happy, healthy and snot free!! I could not relax (and ordered a nice Corona as relaxation insurance)!!

This story speaks to me on a few levels. First, how much I take my freedom for granted. How truly unaware I was of what it means to live in a democratic, free, society. Where my child can be ill, and all I have to worry about is getting them better, not whether I will be forced into seclusion because of it, or told what treatment they will be given. Second, how truly covered in prayer and God's divine mercy this trip was! How many big events in this trip happened during the 3 o'clock hour, which I didn't realize until going back through my journal. Here is just a few -- one of our most horrible turbulent flights (since it was that hour I was so comforted and at peace, so NOT like me!!), the swearing in ceremony (when we didn't know until we got there if the passport issue was going to bar us from participating and completing this step with the rest of our group, which would have delayed our returning home as well), and one of those cab rides for H E double hockey sticks!! That God would put this devotion on my heart this year, and so powerfully, providing that extra stength (grace) so I would be well equipped to deal with things, I'm not typically well equipped to deal with , is just more evidence of the existence of a loving, merciful, faithful God - unseen but present, without a doubt present!

Our First month

2009-12-12T09:59:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow marks our month anniversary of arriving back in America with Faith FengHua. A month that feels like a lifetime, so cliche but honestly I feel like she has been with us since her birth, minus the extra stretch marks!!

Mornings are by far my favorite time, especially on bath day. I can see why she has warmed to me, I'd like me too if I were her. Let's see, we cuddle her awake, then we get her breakfast - typically drinkable yogurt and fruit. She sits on my lap to eat, on my livingroom furniture, hmmm yeah she's spoiled, I don't even like when Kevin does that... well not the lap part, that would be painful. When its bath day , it is more like Faith's spa day!! She is bathed in a tempid bath, with lots of bubbles, toys and love. She gets a massage, a constant stream of water to keep her warm, and lots of fun! She is cuddled dry - LOVE the ducky and princess towels with the hoods, so cute! Then she is smathered in baby lotion, poor thing this forced hot air, dry winter air is not kind to her delicate skin... more massaging, and giggles, and bonding! I love, absolutely LOVE heading to the drawers each day for the cute outfits! The sea of pink and purple just send me to the moon of glee!! IF there were such a place, that is where I'd live during morning time!! Off to blow dry, though we are still fighting the pigtails and barretts, we do enjoy a nice styling session , we are working on creating some body over the flat spot. She needs a hair cut but I am not sure if we are ready to tramatize a hairdresser for that yet :)))

It is amazing how good she is during the boys morning lesson time. We sit her at the table with us, she gets alternating things to do that seem to really make her happy, and of course, are highly educational !! She loves coloring, stickers, playdoh, and building blocks. We also feed her to buy us a little extra time, she is a big fan of goldfish. I just love watching little kids feed themselves, the little fingers deftly picking up fishes and JAMMING them in there mouths!! Oh wait, that is every member of this family!!
Faith is doing very well with her signing, and I have to remind myself often that its only been a month, when I get a little frustrated that she doesn't know more (that is how well things are going I really forgot the small amount of time we've had her). Her receptive vocabulary is amazing - she understands (and is even starting to sign most of these words in addition to potty and kiss): sorry, please, thank you, poop (yes poop I gotta know what she is or needs to do right!), sleep, bed, slippers, shoes, clothes, doll...well you get the picture, all of our signing vocabulary is exploding!! Now to learn how to string them together -- in all due time!!

She has been so gracious with all the guests, we are excepting visitors now, please feel free to call or email if you would like to meet her majesty. We especially like guests who bring dinner ... hee hee Just kidding (though we won't turn away pizza carrying visitors!!). She has warmed to all our friends and family, going to most who put out their hands to her, especially if they are near a light switch or any object she'd like to play with (of particular interest anything she ISN'T suppose to have!!) Faith is learning how to play with other children, still choosing to hoard whatever toys are placed for them to share, but then completely blowing us away by offering the toy to the other child so gently and sweetly. She does a little tilt of her head, looks them in the face, and pokes the toy at them. OH we've also learned how to sign cute and funny, as we've needed those 2 words with her a great deal!!

The Advent season has been extra special with her in our lives. The lights thrill her, the decorations amuse her, and we pray somehow we are helping her start to discover the true meaning of the season with a child's play nativity. Concrete thoughts we can teach - we point and sign, but this one, this love of God, this needs to come from His Holy Spirit, and we do trust He has already put it in her heart, and continue to pray for it to take hold and blossom in the days and years ahead. We look forward to her Christening on Feb 21st, we are so blessed that our Pastor has agreed to do a Mass, and for it to be just a celebration of her initiation into our Catholic Christian faith. It was a hard decision to wait until after the holidays, but when we saw that the best date was Feb. 21st, and realized it is the 2 year anniversary of our first meeting at the Adoption Agency it seemed the perfect fit (just another awesome Godcidence) in this journey of Faith!!

I am going to start blogging the back story - of how we got to this point. The story is so amazing, that I am still in awe that God allowed me to be a part ... IF I didn't believe in God before we started our adoption story, I certainly would be now!! We pray it blesses all who read it ... as much as it has blessed us!!

Audiologist

2009-12-09T08:12:00.000-05:00

We took Faith to the audiologist in Boston yesterday. Woke up at 6:00am, drove in 50 minutes (since I forgot to get in the HOV lane, oops), sat for 20 minutes to go to a 15 minute appointment where they resolved nothing. Yes, she's deaf, we kind of knew that.

Hopefully we will get some good leads and we did setup another appointment for January where they will put her to sleep and do a real test of her hearing testing all tones/frequencies or whatever else they do.

Then we took Ian on his birthday journey to Jordan's Furniture for a new mattress/tv deal. We also went to the Enchanted Village. It was packed for a weekday but worth the wait. I loved it when the fake snow kicked in, Faith thought that was cool, her reaction to it was cool, so excited she didn't know how to deal with it!

Who knew I would ever have to do this!

2009-12-04T09:13:00.003-05:00

Ok, so Faith is home and adjusting well. All blood work came back normal so that was good. Now to the bad. We needed stool samples to check for any internal parasites. On Monday Allison ran out for a quick errand. Faith decide now was the time to provide said sample.

Of course I consider myself a guy with a tough stomach, I worked in a cemetery for 7+ years, I've gutted fish, I thought this whole stool thing would be a walk in the park. No such luck! After nearly tossing the lunch monkey trying to put it in the vial I called Allison. God is good, she was near home and about to pull in the driveway. Crisis avoided, I kept my lunch and Allison took care of it.

Stool sample take two. Apparently they need another one two days later. Well, ok, I'm at work so Allison will take care of it. No such luck, Faith decided to hold her grunties and booms until I got home from work and also waited for Allison to head out for an event at St. Thomas. This time it was AJ to the rescue! He took care of it for me and I managed to hang on to dinner and lunch of Wednesday!

The things you have to go through! Humility was a gift well presented to me this week when I realized when it comes to "samples" I'm a big wussy.

I wasn't going to share this but figured we are sharing everything so this is indeed a part of the whole China adoption experience.

Thanks for taking part in this with us!

First Holidays

2009-11-28T00:12:00.000-05:00

Faith's first Thanksgiving was very nice. We started the day by dressing her up in a new dress (thanks Karen C), black tights and black shiny shoes -- Kevin and I both got choked up when she toddled away from us.   She even left her barretts in until we got to church. She was well behaved in Church, until Fr. Joe mentioned her during the Prayer of the Faithful, and she as if she KNEW, decided to be a nutcase, grabbing my glasses, wiggling around like the squid she is :)   Attending Mass on Thanksgiving has been a long standing tradition, and it felt wonderful to be able to continue it with our newest member. There was so much to thank God for this year - being home, being safe, being with Faith, His blessings in 2009 were definitely more than a 1/2 hour mass could hold!!!

It really is still amazing beyond words how well she is adjusting to her new life. She was like a princess at Kevin's aunt's house - being doted on all day long. She was entertaining, sweet, a LITTLE crazy as she got tired (no nap), but all in all, a delight. We are so lucky that even if she misses her nap, she gets a little more rambuticous but doesn't melt down. Last night, she feel asleep on the way home and actually stayed asleep until the morning.   It was so sweet, to see her nestled between her 2 big brothers for the ride to Fitchburg - it seemed so appropriate that we'd be back there for this Thanksgiving. It was 2 years ago at Thanksgiving dinner, that Ian let slip that we were adopting!!

Today began our first Christmas season with Faith. We put up our Christmas tree, she was napping, when we brought the tree down from the attic (yes we do the fake one, I like it up from the day after thanksgiving to the Epiphany!!). She was so funny pointing at this TREE in the middle of our livingroom. Even when she was playing, she'd stop now and then, and looking behind the couch, at that TREE thing in the middle of the room -- at this point it had no lights or decorations. Kevin had to run to Big Lots to replace some lights, so while we waited Faith and I had chocolate chip cookies...No silly not homemade -- slice and bake -- nothing better :))

There is nothing like the face of a child eating their first fresh from the oven, HOT, gooey chocolate chip cookie. We sat on the floor together, just inches apart, sharing this very special girl moment!! Her face was priceless - a grin that filled her whole face, and she kept signing 'Yummy', rubbing her belly and smacking her lips together lol!!   She even 'toasted' me with her cookie - it was one of those moments I dreamt about having with my daughter!! Someday we'll actually MAKE the cookies together, baby steps.   While we waited for the men to return, I brought out THIS HUGE box of board books I found in the basement today (we cleaned the basement - yeah!! I LOVE holiday cleaning!!) -- the teacher in me got excited to sit and look through book after book, beginning that language explosion that I know is just lurking below the surface. yeah, well not so much --- Faith is definitely a girl with a mind and agenda all her own!!   She lined them all up, covering most of the floor, meticulously and busily placing them end to end. I love that every day has a new discovery for her, and for us who are watching her!!

Finally the boys returned from the store, and Kevin strung the lights. She climbed on the couch to get a closer look, she leaned against the back, face in her hands, and watched mesmerized!! We then took a break from decorating to eat Kale soup (she is still not a portagee -- no go on the linguica or kale lol).

After dinner, the ornament hanging began. We have a tradition of mom unwrapping or opening each ornament, and then together we tell the story of where it came from, and any back story that goes with the ornament. Our tradition had a little twist this year, a very EAGER helping beaver, who sadly wasn't hearing the stories, and just wanted to get the little pretty shiny thing on the light tree in the middle of her livingroom!!   We still managed to get each story out, but MUCH quicker than previous years (ha ha). I was hesitant at first to let her handle the ornaments, not so much because they might break, but that once she new they were 'touchable, we might spend the next month wrestling them out of her paws. The quick learner, realized they were to go on, and that no one was taking them back off. She was totally bummed when the decorating was over, and when she saw me hanging the candy canes, flew over to help not happy until she had one in each hand -- wait til she finds out those are FOOD too, and REALLY yummy!

Tomorrow we are off to the Christmas store in Abington, we are so excited to see her reactions to everything about the holidays. In the next few weeks, we'll be taking her to LaSallette, to see the lights, and to continue our exposure to Christianity, and all the wonders that knowing and loving God holds for her. We know that at 3, most children are unaware of Christmas is more than presents, lights and decorations, and sugary treats. Heck, there are adults out there who still don't realize its more than those things - we know that all we can do is continue to cover all that this journey is in prayer!! Knowing that every day, every year will hold more firsts, and we can't expect all things to be revealed and clear overnight.   Its the same as watching her line up books instead of read them, each day is filled with firsts, discoveries, and LOTS of surprises!

Things I'd love to know...

2009-11-25T09:38:00.000-05:00

I'd love to know how Faith feels about her new family and life. I would love to get into that beautiful little head and know what she is thinking and feeling. On the outside, she seems pretty darn good! It is just amazing, I know I say that in every blog, but truly it is!!   She has warmed up to every new visitor she has had, I believe going to each one who has extended their arms to her. She's even cuddled a few of them, almost instinctively knowing that these strangers are now family.

One of the first days back was very warm, so Kevin and I took her for a walk in her cool new stroller - it is a Jeep (like Kevin's car), and has a steering wheel - she was so funny driving all over her new town. As the sun shone brightly, REALLY brightly compared to the muted smog filled world she came from, I couldn't help but wonder, what does she think of this big yellow orb thing that is making her squint, or warming her face. I wondered what she thought of these tiny buildings, aka single family homes, something I am fairly sure she'd never seen before, and what about stripes of no houses or buildings at all - just trees as far as the eye can see. Air you can breath, sun you can see, and crisp cool air - what was running through her mind at such things.

I was so worried about her being nearly 4 years old, and all the firsts we would miss. A friend who had also adopted an older child, reminded me that there was still many firsts to come, that everything would be a first to us - first time sleeping in her own bed (check), first american holiday (we'll check than one off tomorrow), first time driving in a car with a seat belt ( check), first time peeing into a cup at the doctor's office (happily that was an easier check than expect).   We've loved watching her experience pizza (she eats it upside down, which avoids burning the roof of you mouth off, so we have decided that all those people who told us the girls from Wuhan were cleaver were right on!!).   Monday, she had her first trip to Walmart , although they have them in China, we doubt that she was ever brought there. I did anticipate lots of grabbing and wanting , but she did great - no whining for things, she did reach out for everything we took off the shelves, but quicker caught on that it went in the cart, and would take them from us, and put them in the cart for us!! She is a big helper - yes, she continues to help with the dishes, absolutely LIGHTS UP when we open the dishwasher!!

Today, as I got her out of bed, and she cuddled right up into my arms, my ponder of the day was -- how many mornings was she cuddled awake.   How often was there someone there as soon as her eyes opened, and she made the first squeak of the morning. I know there was no one there signing "Good Morning" and scooping her into there arms for morning squeezes, kisses, and tickles. She just collapses against us, and spends the next hour trying to get back into our arms or on our laps for more cuddles, kisses and tickles. How often did someone spend 10 to 15 minutes massaging or itching her back, just letting her lay against them feeling their breathing with hers, the warmth of a mother's love, and the strength of a dad's arms around you. How often was she bathed with bubbles and toys, and played with until the water was cold, and then wrapped tight in a princess towel and cuddled dry. And yet, when I hold her, when she lays her head lovingly against my chest, what I think is THANK YOU JESUS for this little girl, thank you for bringing her to ME, thank you for all the joy she brings me!!!

So much to be thankful for , so much!!   Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends, family and supporters - may you be Blessed beyond Measure today and every day!!

To Church we went!

2009-11-22T15:32:00.000-05:00

Took the squid to Church probably for the first time in her 3 1/2 year life! Yeah, Faith was a squid, she kept Ian and I very occupied but still got to hear the readings and the gospel - Christ the King - that was cool.

She's apparently famous there - we were waiting in line for the potty and a guy said "Oh is she the one who just got home from China, congratulations!".

Wonderful Day

2009-11-22T07:51:00.000-05:00

It is hard to believe its only been a week since we arrived back home. Its even harder to believe that its been only 2 weeks or so since we recieved Faith FengHua into our family. As I drove to Adoration this afternoon, I was just struck with awe at how well she is doing adjusting to her new life. Children's resilency is mindboggling sometimes. The Grace that God has lavished on her, is so evident in her happy disposition, and overall acceptance of the new life she has been given.   She has met so many new people in the last few days - and we've been so impressed by how friendly - sincerely giving everyone a chance, no rejecting behavior we initially saw in Wuhan.  different from the little girl who spurned everyone but Kevin (and our adorable Chinese guide in Wuhan).

Today (well now this with be Saturday, which was a day ago, but I literally FELL asleep typing this last night - oh Jet Lag when will we part ways!!) anyway, it was so much fun, I wanted to share ...
Faith slept in til almost 8 a.m. !! There is hope yet we'll break her into our sleeping in habits yet (side note: its Sunday 7:30 and princess is STILL asleep and fyi in HER OWN bed!! yeah)!! She had her usual breakfast of drinkable yogurt, bread, and fruit. She was very cuddly with Momma this morning, which just warms my heart so much! As you can well imagine, its amazing after our rocky start. I am so grateful in the loving wise guidance of the Holy Spirit, providing us insights on building attachments that we'd never have known without Him.   Everyday she and I grow closer and closer, she seems to trust me to provide for her, but moreso to be a source of comfort and love. I often wonder did she ever have this much attention, physical contact or language before?

After breakfast, I gave her a bath, we've moved into her bathing alone, but with lots of massages, tickles, and Mommy fun interaction - just warmer for me from the sidelines especially for my old body :)   At one point she laid on her belly, propped up her head on her right hand, and just lied there while I rubbed and massaged her back and legs, she is such the queen (as rightly she should be!). Guess I am catching on to why she is starting to like me - I'd be pretty fond of someone who massaged me several times a day!   We moved to wearing underwear under her pull up, since they are always dry, it is time to give up that safety net - not at night for a while, nothing worse than being awaken in the middle of the night to change a wet kid, wet bed , and wet pjs :) After our post bath tea party and dress up session (see pic of picassa), it was time to clean the house.

I thought she'd stay behind in her room to play, but nope, she not only wanted to shadow me, she seems to have a real interest in helping me clean -- maybe she figured we'd head back to the playing quicker if she helped :)   She vacuumed, so cute!! After we finished the actually vacuuming of the room, I turned off the vacuum, thinking I'll outsmart the deaf kid, she'll never know the difference. Think again Mom!! See she still has other senses, sharpened by the loss of the one -- so first she noticed the LIGHT on the sweeper was OFF, and next it was no longer vibrating her arm, she quickly went to work figuring out how to get it back on - -I believe it took less than 5 minutes!!   However, after figuring out how to turn it on she choose to just stand in the hall holding on the vacuum, but not moving it back and forth , just standing there. I think proud of herself for figuring out how to turn it out she wanted to bask in her victory, but I guess had done enough cleaning!!

WE also put away the dishes, she was so funny handing me one dish at a time, and just beaming!!   It was nice to have someone down low to pick up the dishes, no bending required, perfect for the sore back (my body is so much older than the rest of me!)   Gaining in age from all the lifting and carrying of our darling cherub who has happily started to put a little meat on her own scrawny boned frame!! She'll be up past that 15 percentile in no time!!

Our lives are settling into the new normal, just remarkably faster than I ever expected. Kevin has returned to work, and activities such as cub scouts with Adam. I was able to return to my Thursday night and Saturday afternoon Adoration times -- these are the things I missed the most!   That quiet contemplated time with the Lord, so crucial to continually growing my relationship with Jesus , sure I can pray at home, and KNOW He is always with me, but actually coming into the real presence, of shutting off the world, and giving God an hour or so undivided attention strengthens me for the rest of hours and days ahead!!   Kevin questioned the smoothness of the adjustment, sort of cautious to marvel in how easy it appears to have been or be. My answer, besides the realization that we have many challenges ahead - I mean some day she WILL be a teenage girl!! My response though today was to remind us both that this journey has been COVERED in prayer - and the prayers of God's people will not be ignored, there is power in prayer, and where 2 or more are gathered in His Name He will hear and answer... Thank you all our prayer warriors, every joy we share, we SHARE with each of you!! Every smile we are blessed to enjoy, we enjoy with you!   God bless, have an amazing Sunday -- as we venture to Church for the first time , please know you are ALL in our prayers!

Right to work!

2009-11-21T22:12:00.000-05:00

She's going to do just fine in our house....cleaning up already and she helps with the dishes too!

Attached well!

2009-11-20T09:32:00.000-05:00

Faith now cries when Allison leaves so they are bonded. Allison has a new shadow now and I think even prefers Allison over me. Ian and Faith have bonded as well so that's fantastic!

We are still working on her hitting and touching everything even after we sign NO to her several times. She waits to touch it when she thinks we aren't looking! Faith knows what "time out" is already!

On the jet lag front, I got home from work yesterday and took a nap for 1/2 hour and then was ready for a night of Cub Scouts with AJ. I then was able to get to bed about 9:30-10 after putting Faith to bed and reading on the couch upstairs with AJ. I was able to sleep through the night after waking up only a couple of times but was able to fall back asleep! Slept until 5:20 this morning so I'm not dogging it like I was yesterday. I won't say I have beaten jet lag yet but last night was good!

Still praying that all the other families that adopted are doing great also!

PEACE! KG.

Where we stayed

2009-11-19T09:36:00.000-05:00

Here are the places we stayed at while in China (one of the things CAWLI does is put you up in some nice hotels, in walking around and seeing just the outside of some of the other hotels this is a necessity!).

Beijing - Presidential
http://book.hotelreservations.com/hotel/propertydetails/192567/PHOTOS?isHRN=false
Google Map
http://maps.google.com/maps?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=presidential+beijing&fb=1&gl=us&hq=presidential&hnear=beijing&cid=0,0,17655680001061756435&ei=6lUFS6fNIsG5lAeCvcSmDA&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=image&resnum=6&ved=0CCEQnwIwBQ

Wuhan - Marco Polo
http://www.marcopolohotels.com/hotels/china/hankou/marco_polo_wuhan/index.html
Google Map
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=marco%20polo%20hotel%20wuhan&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wl

Guangzhou - The White Swan
http://www.whiteswanhotel.com/
Google Map
http://maps.google.com/maps?oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=white+swan+hotel+guangzhou&fb=1&gl=us&hq=white+swan+hotel&hnear=guangzhou&cid=0,0,11718554875423202125&ei=KVUFS-PyNorclAet_tmsDA&sa=X&oi=local_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CBEQnwIwAA

What's life been like

2009-11-19T06:10:00.000-05:00

Its been about a week since we returned home, alas Kevin just left for his first day back to work. I seriously miss him already, hard to believe 3 weeks together, no fights (couple small bickers but we had promised ourselves that we'd not take out our stress on each other - and through the Grace of our sacrament of marriage, were able to stay true to that promise!!).   I am so grateful for such an amazing marriage!! and do so wished he worked from home every day !!! but alas no.. and I'm on my own today!!

So, what have we been up to -- most battling severe jet lag! The first day it didn't feel so bad, thought we'd somehow escaped the clutches of it, yeah ha - NOT so much!! What does jet lag feel like -- being stuck in a corn maze. You get on a roll, when you feel like you are definitely onto something, making progress, almost out of the maze, when BAM you hit a wall and realize you can't move forward in that direction any longer and either have to rest (aka nap), or turn around and regroup (aka go to bed early and try again tomorrow). You are also extremely irritable - at least we are!! And every issue feels like a mountain - when its truly only a molehill - especially if you fix your eyes on Jesus, and let Him carry the burden. The devil lives within jetlagged brains too I truly believe that, as you are tired and less likely to turn to prayer, and can easily feel defeated or incapable of the new normal you have been given.   Its funny when we were in the midst of the traveling, the danger, the unfamiliar surroundings, the uncertainty, prayer came so easily and without question.   Back home surrounded by the comforts of our home, family and country, although still praying, we both said this morning that we were surprised at how quickly we returned to the more inward prayer, leaving our newly developed praying together outloud habit behind. Aware of this, we are vowing to get back on track, I guarantee it will start to turn all the heaviness of the last week around!!

Enough about us, how's Faith doing? Excellent question - to which there are many answers!! I will start by answering some of the many questions I've been receiving:
1. Does she laugh?   Yes, she laughs out loud, she has an adorable giggle, it is hysterical and so flippin cute!!

2. Does she like her baths? YES , when she's not trying to reach for everything she shouldn't be having lol... I have been taking them with her, to continue our bonding process plus its easier to manage her in there with her, she is very floppy and squirmy, so has no muscle tone whatsoever, and just collapses or throws her body around at will... very dangerous for all involved, she is so funny though when she bumps her head or falls down where most kids would CRY, she just cracks up!! As an aside: we actually have some concerns in this area -- Dr. Tomase (we went for her check up today) is going to have her see a neurologists, there are some concerns on her coordination and balance as well that is not due to a phsyical issues (as in her legs are the same length, etc). We'll be going to children's , I will be receiving a call from them in a few days to make an appointment - Not sure at all what we are dealing with , if its a past injury or if there is something more progressive going on -- regardless, we won't speculate or get worked up, until testing is complete. Whatever it is God will guide us through, and we'll do what we need to do!!

What else does she like?   She enjoys coloring, playing with blocks, the fisher price circus toy, hoarding lol -- today she had every webkin from her room in her arms! Yes we got a picture, I will have Kevin post it later. She does not like tv as they had told us, which was a relief, though some days it would be nice to get a 1/2 hour reprieve to get something done knowing she was duly occupied :))) She LOVES outside, and rides in her stroller, oh and tea parties!

Have you taken her to church or to the grocery store? NO , not yet. Our only public outing was the doctor's office yesterday. We just got her h1n1 today, I was trying to keep her out of public til then, plus I am keeping her away from other woman until we can forge a deeper bond. Since she's not been exposed to American germs yet, and I don't feel like dealing with a sick kid, especially Thanksgiving a week away, we are keeping things low key!! Although I know its been difficult for people to stay away, I am so appreciative of everyone's understanding. The seclusion though difficult at times on us, has been the absolute right decision on building our mother/daughter relationship. She now comes to me on her own, sometimes chosing me over daddy. She allows me to comfort her, like yesterday morning when we did a test run of her waking to no daddy, she cried, but cuddled up to me, and was over it rather quickly.   She even got a little upset when I left to work for a few hours, I would have never anticipated that a week ago!   I think choosing to be her #1 source of all things food, clothes and necessity was the absolute right choice - and the reason behind our successful start to bonding. It will still be months, maybe even years before we forge a deep bond of true trust and security, but every day we will strive to get closer to that - by meeting her needs in a timely, complete and loving manner.

How is she with the potty?   This has been such an interesting transition from squatty potty to western potty - thank YOU Danielle for shlepping to Target for me to get the Dora potty seat - has been our saving grace!! As I mentioned, she was potty trained in china, but with her split pants, that whole just squatting where you are when you gotta go method (which we discovered first had at a restaurant in Guangzhou when she finished her meal and decided it was time to poo, oh yeah should have seen Kevin run to grab her and whisk her off to the bathroom, pricelss!)   So we are pretty much starting over with the western toilet. She does hold it, and most of her pull ups are completely dry when I take them off, which is great -- I am hoping to move her into undies during the day, and just keep the pull ups for night, but we'll play it by ear.

Has she had her first check-up?   We met with Dr. Tomase yesterday to begin what will be a long journey of doctor's visits, tests, and therapies. She was only in the 5 % for weight, and 15% for height for her age, funny how BIG the Chinese thought she was - she is a 3T but is usually sporting a plumber bum LOL or the teenage boy sag as my boys refer to it!!   She was very cooperative, squidy, but not nearly the squid of Guangzhou Kevin blogged about. Her chest extra was normal/negative of TB, yeah! We wait now for appointments in Boston (Children's Hospital) with an ENT and Neurologist -- will keep you posted.

The sun is rising between the trees, as a nocturnal creature, these mornings have been sort of nice to experience the beauty and splendor of dawn. God sure has created some amazingly beautiful pastel colors. I pray your days are filled with beauty and splendor, and look forward to seeing you all in person very soon!

We are home and adjusting well

2009-11-18T09:22:00.002-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/HomeAtLast#

As always photos first! Allison just left to observe for work and Faith wasn't too happy about it, she cried but was consolable. Also, when Faith woke up Allison was able to calm her down as well without seeing me so when I go to work tomorrow it should be ok. We shall survive!

Not sure if anybody is even reading this anymore but that's ok, I'm getting bored with us too!

We are home!

2009-11-17T15:34:00.001-05:00

Well we are home and Faith seems to like the boys!

It is now 3:30 on Tuesday. We got home around 9:30 on Friday. Boy is jet lag a killer. I feel like a fish that's been left out on land a bit too long. I am currently resisting the urge to sleep! Faith is napping in her bed, she has been sleeping with us at night but napping in her room and doing fairly well with sleep.

Yesterday I napped from about 2:30-5:00 and that was too long of a nap, the nights sleep wasn't great because of it. Ian woke me up at 5 and it was dark out already, I remained in a fog the entire night! That's the one thing that's tough about this adoption, nobody talks about getting home and adjusting to a new kid and also adjusting to a 13 hour time difference from China. Well, now I know.

Signing off for now - one jet lagged Kevin...

Home Sweet Home

2009-11-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

As Kevin alluded our trip home was eventful - 26 hours of events to be exact! We rose nice and early, without an alarm, hmmm think we were eager to get back!! We had our last made for us breakfast buffet! I never did venture off from the french toast, fresh fruit, and bacon ritual -- they don't differeniate meals in China - for breakfast they eat the same as for every other meal -- noodles, dim sum (oh I did have a few of those, yummy), potstickers, to name a few things I know the names of! We checked out, paid for our $10 bottle of water (I only had one the first night before I could find the 7-11). Then onto the bus, with a prayer over our luggage (as I did ALL MY Christmas shopping, and REALLY wanted it all to make it back so I wouldn't have to shop again !!).

The airports have been such an adventure -- picture this... Each of us with a very heavy backpack, I had a passport holder across my shoulder (learned after our trip in to have those MUCH more readily available and together), then I had a small bag with snacks for Faith (her foster mom had given her a nice assortment from Walmart of favorite crackers and jello shots), then a had a BIG shopping bag filled with all those souveneirs I'd be devasted if lost - like the 12 years of silk outfits I bought her! Then I also was carrying her backpack, and Kevin had, well HER LOL!! So we were heavily laddened to say the least! My shoulders will never be the same -- note to self -- Chiropractor next week!!

Anyway, at every check point - in China there seems to be a few more than here -- they have health checks (in Beijing we had to walk through heat sensors to make sure we had no fevers!!), at least you get to keep your shoes on that makes live easier, and there are so many people, they have what feels like 10 x more people to serve you, so lines fly! NOT SO much when we got to San Francisco, esp. Security - though still faster than our wait in Orlando 3 years ago when we were there at Christmas!! BUT I digress...at every check point we had to unhook all these bags and backpacks, I was striped of my very small hand santizer in China, which really sent me over the edge , as many of you know I"M A germaphobe big time!! Luckily our new friends gave me a replacement .. somehow their's made it through. Funny, how much more diligent I was about fighting the germ warfare!! No more quarantine worries, though being sick would not be good either .. but again I digress.

Our first plane right to Hong Kong was great! Faith fell asleep taxiing to take off, and slept the entire hour! Our next flight was 10 1/2 hours from Hong Kong to San Fran ... as Kevin mentioned it was bumpy , at least for the first 2 hours!! Happily one of those hours was 3 oclock, the divine mercy hour, so I felt so protected - not to mention we had 2 other very prayerful families on the trip with us, and I knew they were praying right along with us!! Where 2 or more are gathered in My name... One of them also had holy water from Fatima on her, so that was great to bless ourselves ... God knew that trip would be a holy water blessing type of flight!! Faith was not as pleasant as she had been to HK, one she was awake! She was a major stinker to me until she did finally fall asleep. I am not sure if it was because she wanted to play and some attention and I was trying to sleep ( I mean I did give her attention BEFORE this nap thing). I found myself getting so frustrated by our lack of communication , and the switch that goes off between fun playing and violent behavior - -its a hair trigger and without a place for timeout lol not fun.

When she finally dozed off, and I sat looking at that beautiful face, and pondered how much nearly 4 years what its been through -- abandoned at 9 months old, bonds already formed, then put in a foster home with many children coming and going through 3 years, she hoards thing so she's obviously had to fight for what she needed, now without any way of explaining her life is upside down again - as the tears rolled , I prayed - Lord, Heal this relationship between us, guide me in your holy Spirit to mother her according to what SHE needs and not what I want or dreamt - again God gently reminded me this isn't about me. It is about his plan for Faith's life, and we just get to be the blessed vehicle who is allowing Him to work through us!! Once again, without deserving it, God had heard and answered, the next flight was magical -- a complete 180!! A wonderfully sweet young woman changed seats with me so instead of being across the aisle (middle seat) I as able to sit with Kevin and Faith.. GOD Bless that young woman!!

Faith and I had a blast, as Kevin slept --we colored, she discovered stickers - putting them on her face and onto the paper, then back onto her face, she was cracking me up!! We played the hand-stacking game, and she let me tickle and kiss her, we shared a snack, and ventured into the 2 x 2 airport potty together (without her melting down out of the sight of Daddy). IT was amazing, I just beamed as she held my hand, and all the people flooding to the potty (we were right next to it) smiled at my daughter, congratulating me -- LIKE I had anything to do with her beauty, or winning smile!! I was just honored to call her mine!! Faith finally feel asleep, and this time, rested her head on my arm!! Thank you Jesus for the blessing of that flight -- even when it got so bumpy I thought we'd fall out of the sky!! Again, the bumps came during the divine mercy hour - and I could hear God speaking to my heart, "I will bring to completion the Good work I have begun," giving me confidence, that although the current ride (both real and figurative) was very unsure and unsteady - HE was in control, and we were safely in His hands!!

Oh lunch is here.. Wendy's.. ah been dreaming of this spicy Chicken sandwich. will have to finish in a bit!!

WE ARE HOME!

2009-11-13T23:31:00.002-05:00

Well we made it home after a very bumpy ride from Hong Kong to California and then again from California to Boston!

I'm off for the night but just wanted to say we made it back!

Last batch of photos from China

2009-11-12T06:45:00.001-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/GuangzhouLASTDAY#

Well, that's it my last batch of photos from China! Bet you were getting sick of looking at them, I know I was getting sick of taking them! Can't wait until this time tomorrow plus a couple of hours - we will be on the ground in Boston!

Oh, and a funny side story speaking of planes. That snowstorm in Beijing that delayed us an hour and was a total nightmare for our friends going to other provinces, remember that post a while back? Well, apparently it was induced by silver nitrate they flew into the clouds. Lovely no? Oh well, we got lucky!

Also great news - we have her Visa and Passport IN HAND! Thank God.

See you all in a little bit - but as Allison says we have to hang low at home with no visitors for her to adjust to her new home and her new brothers!

PEACE! KG.

Butterflies

2009-11-12T01:39:00.000-05:00

Throughout the blogs you've probably seen references to butterflies, and wondered if there was a back story to that. Well , just so happens there is an amazing one!! I've been meaning to share it all trip. So as FengHua naps, and Kevin returns the stroller a local merchant let us borrow, as well as fetch my clean FOLDED into the smallest pile of clothes you've ever seen laundry, I will share.

We received a call on April 30, 2009, asking how serious were we about accepting a referral for a deaf child. My heart skipped a beat, as I have always known, that one day I would have a deaf daughter. So much so that over a year ago, long before we were matched with a child I began sign language classes.   These classes are a community type, run by this wonderful woman Marianne, who not only teaches us signing, but more importantly shares with us deaf culture. A story that stayed with me, was that drivers who are deaf in Australia, must place a special butterfly sticker on their car window to alert police and other drivers, that behind the wheel is a hearing impaired driver. Immediately one of the kids in the class asked, "why a butterfly?' She explained that butterflies are deaf - and that they are often used as symbols for the deaf.

Now flash forward to July -- we had been told on April 30th, when we accepted the referral to pursue being Wu Feng Hua's parents that we'd be traveling in 6 to 8 weeks. We knew that delays would be possible especially because we had yet to be approved by the Chinese government to adopt, we were in a long que of parents waiting to have their files reviewed. The Waiting Child list (which has older and special needs children) is separate, and if a match is made you are taken out of line, and in essense cut the others waiting for healthy baby girls. I don't like that analogy of line cutting, but its how it works, I didn't design it, I'm just subject to it. Now it was mid-July, and we received a call that delays would push our trip to September! I was devastated, I had applied for a child no OLDER than 18 months, and had accepted the 3 year old with intrepidations. **oh side note -- right BEFORE we got the call for Faith, God had revealed to me during my prayer time to be prepared for an older child, it was such a strong feeling, I remember crying that night, saying God please NO, I've have missed so much of her life at 3, I wanted a baby to share as many memories as I could. He gently calmed my worries, helping me to see, that all the time we have will be filled with firsts and it was His perfect plan **

This particular day in July, I was in Faith's bedroom, praying on her floor under the window. I was thinking that the 3 year old, would now be an almost 4 year old by time we were allowed to bring her home. She would have been in the same foster home for 3 years, and would be so attached to them, she'd be so scared and angry with us for taking her away. Also on my heart was that no one could explain to her what was happening, lacking language to communicate such a complicated thought. I began to pray the rosary, to meditate on these things, and Jesus, and to hand over concerns as I often do.   It happened to be a Sunday, which is the day to recite the Glorious mysteries.   The first mystery's fruit was Faith... hmmm I thought, pretty reassuring godcidence! Next, came Hope , something I had just prayed for the day before. Third fruit, Love of God ... without that none of what we were being asked to do would make sense, would even be possible. I finished with the 5th mystery, of which the fruit is Trust in Mary's Intercession ... at that very moment, I heard a strange noise outside the window, the direction was difficult to decipher, and its nothing I'd eer heard before. I was drawn to look out, and there in the backyard was the BIGGEST Butterfly I had ever seen in my entire life!!

My heart filled with a peace that surpasses all understanding, God wasn't telling me the journey was going to change, or that it would be easy, but that He'd be with me, and this butterfly, with no hearing was such a sign of hope, faith and love.  The next day, I saw another butterfly, the day after that another, not this time a live one, but a picture of one. From that July afternoon forward... EVERY SINGLE day until we met Faith, I have seen a butterfly! They've been painted on the face of my friend's beautiful adopted daughter's face, they've been on the doctor's wall when I was waiting for my flu shot praying we'd be healthy on this trip, they've been on clothes, and many cards at my shower, they've been around just as I've most needed them, or as surprises when I least expected them.

We continue to see them now, even after His promise of uniting us has been fulfilled. On the way to the American Consulate I prayed for a sign that we'd be able to complete the paperwork with the copy of the passport, and take our oath with the group - and there it was flying by the window. I was very filled with anxiety the day we went to the temple and the garden, concerned we'd not be able to leave with the group, that Faith's cough would be something more sinister than air pollution, and that perhaps I was not the best choice as Faith's mom (the enemy was hard at work on me that day!!)... as we boarded the bus, I once again asked my loving Father to help me see His love in the form of a butterfly -- they were EVERYWHERE!! We saw one almost immediately leaving the hotel, and the flittered about the bus in the middle of this big busy city!! It was amazing, we even stopped at a red light, and the merchant right below my window had a big butterfly baby toy recorder hanging from his awning! The garden was filled with butterflies, including little yellow ones, that I had seen around town on another particularly tough day when God had sent a small winged messenger of hope to me!

May you all think of God's protection and love, whenever you behold the delicate and graceful beauty of His creation, the butterfly!

Last Day in Guangzhou

2009-11-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

WE pray! We have received an email from the adoption agency that they are VERY confident that Faith's VISA will be ready with the rest today!!   YEAH!! We will know at 7 p.m. tonight, so keep those prayers coming!!

We are laying low today, Faith and I both have yucky coughs, I had the doctor come check us out, and he said it was most likely the air quality that has made us sick (NO kidding doc!!), but that we'll both be fine! We are taking Claritin and Alavert, and drinking lots of water. He also advised we stay in the hotel A/C as much as possible today. We went for another hectic elbow to get food breakfast lol, and then retired to our room. This morning with Faith is going so well, she is starting to recognize play time vs getting ready time. She is got the most mischievous smile lol , which we now recognize and can thwart certain behaviors before they escalate. IT is amazing to us how quickly we have been able to learn her personality, and how the very vacuum we are forced to live in has been responsible for the bonding we have been able to achieve.

We also decided to remove ourselves from the larger group for the majority of the day, we sort of realized the irony of being called to coccoon at home, but yet here we are with other people and babies constantly. Unlike Wuhan, when we were alone , and that too may be have been attributing to our more difficult day. It is nice to have families in our same situation to share, and exchange notes with, but its better we retreat to regroup. Which brings me to something Kevin and I were discussing this morning -- when we come home, though we CAN NOT wait to see everyone and to introduce Faith to everyone, we are asking everyone (family and friends alike) to give us a week to rest, acclimate to the time change and her new home, and to allow her to bond with the boys. Thank you for you understanding, and respect of this wish -- although it may seem like a long time since we've all been waiting over 6 months to meet her, it will be the best for her in the end. We will let everyone know when the visiting GREEN light is on!!   Thanks!!

I wanted to share my special morning with Faith , we spent over an hour 1/2 !! Passing flashcards back and forth, I was signing the words when she'd look at me, but mostly she was just practicing her sharing, which she did so well with! Then we brought out the crayons, to color in the flashcards, she once again was so calm, sweet and an excellent sharer!!   I am learning as much from her some days as she I. A more relaxed atmosphere, definitely produces more advantageous exhanges between us. We shared smiles, a few kisses, and made meaningful eye contact -- it was such a blessing!! THIS entire episode was proceeded by Kevin and I praying the morning prayer and daily readings from the Magnificent. ONCE again, the breakthroughs and blessings have come following time of prayer and thanksgiving to God. As I reflect on the days behind us, and how many times this has happened, its more proof of HIS loving touch in this journey!!   And my belief that sometimes those rough patches were gentle reminders that we'd lost focus ... Worry about nothing, Pray about everything :)

The Faith dance

2009-11-11T09:10:00.000-05:00

The Faith dance is easy, its one step forward, two steps back... and just repeat, over and over for days on end !! We had been so blessed with easy days , feeling like we'd made headway in our bonding process, and we REALLY have. Today, however, was a exceptionally challenging day. This is the day, typically adoptive families are on the plane home, and Kevin and I can see why, because by now, you are DONE, stick a fork in ya type of done!!

But alas we are not done, so here goes the account of today ...
Breakfast as usual - ok there has been some really positives of a trip like this no dishes, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, no LAUNDRY.. it comes FOLDED and everything from the adorable Chinese laundry around the corner! Breakfast prepared every morning, with LOTS of choices, albeit Chinese style breakfast - dumplings, congee, salad lol ... with french toast and bacon thrown in for good measure. REALLY amazing fruit too, which with the toast and bacon have been my staples. Its super crowded, and I miss my decaf coffee, but all and all I can't complain. Faith did allow Daddy to go get his own breakfast again, but was a little more mischievious while we were eating, which should have been our tip off of the day to come!!

We were off early this morning for a much needed sight-seeing trip - I couldnt walk around the same shops, or the hotel one more day. We went to a local temple for a traditional baby blessing, I couldn't bring myself to kneel before another god, even for a cultural experience, so I was the designated picture taker. Kevin felt a big sacreligious, but out of respect for where Faith is coming from, he was a good sport and went in with her for the blessing.   I got video of it, something to see that's for sure. She was a stinker though the entire visit there - she is getting so much more comfy with us, and is starting to test limits and boundaries.   Here again , the good news is its not JUST with me, Kevin has started to be tested too. Today we wanted to explore her new found freedom in life, and was a crazy girl climbing and running away from us. LUCKILY the locals in Guangzhou let you borrow strollers for your visit, so we had something to corral her in. We have both experienced an increase in physical outbursts, which both infuriate and break your heart all in one. You know its frustrating at not being able to communicate, but its also how they seem to have socialized her to play. We have witnessed similiar behavior in the other older children around us.   We are just perplexed at teaching our children hitting, kicking, spitting, and biting as ways to play!

After the temple we visited a beautiful garden, we have often felt like we were in Disney during this vacation, this was another one of those moments!! Kevin purchased her a little pinwheel is keep her busy, which I tried giving to her (as we still have me doing the majority of caretaking, and giving things to her).   See, here's the fine line we must walk in order to create an atmosphere of being safe and loved, and learning right and wrong. I have struggled with this a lot in the last week, and am so grateful that I am relying on the Holy Spirit, and not my own human emotions to guide my own behavior.   This beautiful little girl, is so filled with confusion - new sights, smells, people , I can not even imagine!! but in the same sense, anything we allow now for the sake of her adjusting, will only further confuse her when we suddenly say NO in a month or so, when she is more settled, and its no longer novel and 'cute'. So this need to be firm and loving, instead of indulgent and loving, is definitely adding to our challenges.

We had many a power struggle today, each filled with lots of prayer!! She may not like me very much right now, but I know she is feeling secure and taken care of. I see my role for now is not the one I pictured myself in, but God has so well equipped me for it with my preschool background, and all the lessons learned parenting Ian and Adam. He reminds me over and over, gently and lovingly, that this journey is NOT about me, its about Faith. About her having opportunities for a life undreamt of here. She will have language, and the ability to really express herself - not needing to hit someone to get them to pay attention to them, or being able to tell a joke or express a funny story instead of reverting to rough play and slapstick to get a laugh.   She is so bright, has the most amazing memory , God called us to , in a way, civilize her. I am reminded so very often of the Helen Keller story, and how Annie Sullivan first found her student when she arrived at the Keller home.   Underneath that wild child, was a brilliant young woman -- just waiting for someone to be patient enough to let it emerge.

So, today we shed some tears. I found that my window has a 'kneeler' that on the 15th floor, brings me closer to Heaven, and provides a wonderful place to seek His divine counsel and strength. Once again, I think Kevin and I were reminded to not stop praying , to turn constantly to Him for help.  Tonight we made time to do the rosary together with Faith between us in the bed, she was a wiggly girl, and suddenly I was inspired to get the lotion and give her a massage (she loves these), it was an amazing transformation and she soothed down, and even massaged her daddy's hand while we prayed. One of the fruit's for today's mysteries was "Trust in Mary's intercession"!!

It is quite frankly the only way we are finding the courage to continue in a journey that is so arduous at times, it is hard to express. The fruit of the labor of love, is always more love!! Today's therapy was singing -- in the shower, kneeling at my window -- just praising God in song. One that was particularly helpful today was, Rescue this version was sung by the Women of Faith singers.. and the words I will leave you with tonight...

You are the source of life, I can't be left behind
No one else will do, I will take hold of You
I need You Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go?
There's no other Name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace, I will follow You

Oath Day

2009-11-10T08:38:00.000-05:00

Tuesday in Guangzhou -- LONG but one of the best days YET in our trip!! This morning at breakfast the big deal was letting daddy finally go get his own breakfast, up to now I've been dutiful chinese wife, fetching his meal! NO more of that ;) she even watched him go out of sight, and then turned back to me and continued eating. She is so funny eating, she picks up the food with her hand, and puts it ONTO the fork, then she eats off of that. We did buy her today a set of kids chopsticks and small spoon, like she'd be used to eating with, basically they put the plate up to their face and shovel in the food. We haven't taken out this set yet, as its way too much fun watching her learn to use a fork.

After breakfast we hit the shops! OH that are magnificent.   You say, "best price," and suddenly they find wiggle room in that price. I could have gotten a silk scarf today for 50 yuan, which is about $7 ... I really didn't want it, but she thought I was bargaining! I KNOW I should have just got it, had daisies on it, would have found some place to wear it, or give it as a gift. I did finish my Christmas shopping today.. shhhh, don't tell my family , they are all getting gifts from China. I just bought a kid, this is all I can afford LOL!! NOW we really need to pray all my luggage gets home!!

After shopping it was time for lunch (see photos of dad and daughter sucking up noodles in our hotel room, mom had gourmet Ritz and Peanut butter crackers, yum!!). Then we put her in the adorable purple WITH BUTTERFLIES of course, chinese cotton outfit for pictures with the rest of the adopted babies. There were 10 babies adopted on this trip. They are an 8 yr old boy, 3 1/2 year old girl (who you all know very well), 3 1/2 yr old boy, 2 20 month old girls, and the rest are 10/11 month old babies. All look so different, all absolutely ADORABLE!!! We have tried to get pictures of each and every one of them!!
Trying to get them all to sit on this red couch, and not kill each other, or run away, and then LOOK at the camera -- OH it was hysterical watching the photographer try to get Faith's attention with a colorful bell. We are trying to tell our guide to translate she's deaf - actually about 5 families at once said, she can't hear you LOL. So he gets RIGHT up to her with the color bell bracelet, which then she assumes HE IS handing it over, and when he doesn't she starts pitching a fit. OH yeah, it was great -- this right after she head butted our friend (we were RIGHT on top of each other for the picture)... OH and then there was the whole power struggle for the barretts to stay in, which will explain the 'LOVELY' messy do she ended up with in the professional pictures, so glad we get to pay for those lol!! I was NOT relenting on letting her take them out, it became a game, and stubborn Portagee mom was determined to win!!   At this point I was thinking, she may not love me, BUT she will respect and obey me.  Yes, pick my battles, I understand, trust me, if you were here, you'd know, this was a pickable battle ...and lest there was no milk involved!!

After the photo escapade, we boarded a bus to the American Consulate to sign her VISA application, and to take an oath that the information we have given is true, and to promise to care for this child as our own, and as an American citizen. The first cool thing, was she sat on my lap the ENTIRE ride!! (She sat and 'read' a book with me this morning too!). The next cool thing, was they had received at least a fax copy of her new passport so we were able to procede with the VISA application with our whole group. The waiting room had toys ("OH joy", says the germophobic mom, "yippee" says the tired of corraling a squid dad). After everyone was called to this little window to sign the papers, then we all stood and had our oath. It was amazing, JUST as it was about to start, Faith, who had been wondering like a crazy woman, came right to Kevin to be picked up - which he did, she even allowed me to touch her leg, while we raised our right hands and swore to be her loving, caring parents forever. Yeah, not a dry EYE in the place!! OH and the best part of all of it, was this was all taking place during the Divine Mercy hour of 3 p.m.!! We love that one of the couples that God so graciously placed us with, is a praying outloud kind of folk!! RIGHT before the processing began, the 4 of us held hands, and prayed out loud that her passport would not be an issue, and that all would be ok!! Very cool moment, and of course, our good and GRACIOUS God faithfully granted us that prayer. We were told it is in transite, and we now just pray its in our guides hands by Thursday for that VISA to be attached!!! *please pray with us for that!! thanks!!

When we returned to the hotel, to change for dinner, returning to our favorite restaurant, Lucy's. Food is cheap, beer is cold -- and its all outdoors!! Its awesome!! Dinner involved some more memorable moments... first, Kevin lifted his beer to toast our big day at the Consulate, and FAITH clanked his glass -- she totally knew what to do !! We all roared, and then raised our glasses to her, which is obliged us with clanks all around!! After dinner, the kids ran around, and for the first time, SHE JOINED in, even holding another 3 year old Karla's hand!! They were skipping, and she was pulling poor Karla lol but for the most part, really enjoying the other kids, interacting.. it was another teary eyed moment for the adults who have been watching her slowly emerge from that silent chrysalis!   Praise you Lord Jesus Christ, for the blessings of this journey -- and the wonders who have allowed all of us to be witness too!!

More photos and stuff

2009-11-10T08:03:00.000-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/GuangzhouIV#

Ok, more photos above.

I'll give you the short version, Allison will fill in long version - crazy day, group photo that was tough to organize, morning shopping/walk, oath at American consulate, Faith is officially ours now, cry cry cry, back to hotel for dinner and walking around town, Faith had no nap - I'm off to shower....

Love Kevin.

Italian food in Guangzhou

2009-11-09T07:59:00.000-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/GuangzhouIII#

There sure is. Pretty good Italian food too. I got the Pineapple Ham Pizza, Faith and Allison had spaghetti, you can see it in the pictures!

Then after dinner we planned to stroll the park with Jay, Mary, Bernie, Sylvia and families but the rain put an end to that! We got wet on the way back to the White Swan!

Two wet kids!

Faith had to have an X-ray this am for the TB test. They test her for TB but since she was vaccinated she shows positive since the vaccine worked so they make her have an X-ray - it's the American government that doesn't trust China vaccination records. Silly stuff.

We are having some trouble with our invisible guide here, she's no Susan or Claire that's for sure but as a group of ten families we are doing ok. At this point I can't wait to be home! We did video AIM this morning with the boys and boy do I miss them now! I need to beat Ian in a game of WarHawk and wrestle with AJ!!!

Enough for now, getting tired!

PEACE - Kevin G

God's grace continue

2009-11-09T04:22:00.000-05:00

This morning, Monday, we slept in for the first time. We arrived at breakfast around 8:15ish, almost an hour later than we've done since leaving Massachusetts. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves, nothing to do today but wait in our room from 9 to 11 for our guide to complete our Visa applications at the American Consulate. We needed to be available in case they had questions or needed more paperwork. We no sooner sat down for our breakfast, when someone mentions having the TB tests rechecked this morning. Apparently, they were due to be read THIS MORNING, and our guide (who sadly is NOT as amazing as the last 2) , failed to mention this to Kevin or I!! PANIC again lol.. this time not an attack but a mode so to speak! I started rushing around the diningroom seeking out other families on our trip with older kids. I bounced from table to table with the same discouraging stories about our guides lack of well GUIDANCE lol (I laugh now, this morning, um not so much!!)

FINALLY BY THE SHEER grace of God!!! I run into the mom with the other 3 1/2 year old on the trip, she is in the hallway, as I was rushing now OUT Of the dining hall back up to my room to call this exact woman! God totally rocks. Anyway, I find out she was heading down to meet the man taking them over to the exam office at that VERY moment, I run BACK into the dining room (YES I'm loosing weight on this trip!!) grab Kevin and Faith, and rush them off to the meeting spot. I sit back down and realize I HAVE THE MONEY in the sling we carry, and passports etc. I RUN back down the hall, luckily Chinese like to do things at a slow pace!! I am sure I was quite a spectacule running all over the place like the frantic American I was lol!

God is in control, and yet again, another emergency was diverted through his Good Grace and Mercy!! I was so out of sorts after that I took advantage of the 2 hour room sabbatical for pray -- I definitely was in better condition than poor Kevin when he returned from yet another bout at the doctors with the angry squid, who this time had to be X-rayed! She had a false positive on her TB test because she'd be innoculated - yes IF you can figure out why they do that test, when they know she's been vaccinated for it, please let me know. My uneducated guess, is they don't trust their own vaccines or the Orphanages record keeping!! Anyway this time, in addition to squirmy girl, he was also dealing with upper 80s with LOTS of humidity!! He is also losing weight, and looking rather HOT if I do say so myself :)))

We then napped together, WE are so going to miss these daily quite times and naps when we return home! Especially Kevin, who has really mastered the fall asleep in a moment, in the middle of the day routine!! He is usually out before his daughter, who will lie there very quiet and cute, but does tend to fight the actual act of sleeping, once out, she's OUT!! Nothing wakes her (I guess another plus of being deaf). We went for a nice shopping trip after a brief paperwork meeting in the middle of the 11th floor !! That was fun :)) Faith run up and down the halls for 1/2 hour, letting me chase her, and catch her in my arms, and even submitted to a kiss or 2 on the cheek! After the 1/2 hour I was now the sweaty one, sort of longing to be ignored ... SORT of , but NOT really!! I LOVED every second of it... She's such a giggler!!

Then off shopping, when we got home it was time for milk and a snack. This is when we got another sign she is warming up to us, in particular this time to me! I was giving her the juicy juice boxed milk we still have from Wuhan, and she was periodically pushing it away. I went to give her one more sip, she LIKES to play games a lot, she is MAJOR JOKER, more evidence is totally our kid!! Anyway, this time, I could see BIG TIME mischief in her eyes, she puffed up her cheeks filled with milk, and BLEW IT out... however, she doesnt' realize mom is a trained preschool professional, and totally saw this coming, I put up my deflector shield (aka hand) and she wore the whole mouthful on her face!!!! NO we have no pictures, we felt at that moment, discipline was far more the priority over memory catching lol.

So Faith had her first time out!! One thing the Adoption Agency director told us was not to treat then like they are 'special' then you'll have a spoiled kid on your hands, do what you would to any child that age, who behaved that way. It has been the best advice, because we are building bonds, but with respect and limits. She sat there very obediently, allowed me to clean her up (with no scrunched fussy face I usually get when I go near her and she's mad), then she gave me a kiss, and copied my signing "sorry", she fully cooperated with me as I changed her clothes, gave me another kiss, and climbed into bed for nap.

Kevin is beign a meany waking her up now, so we can go for dinner, another American Chinese place (unlike our chinese american places at home lol) , loving the beer here!! It is the safest thing I can find to drink lol .. and after this week I need a brewski :)))) Thanks again for the continued prayers... oh MORE GOOD news, Faith's passport is CORRECTED AND in transit back to Guangzhou.. HAPPY DAYS!! God Bless.

Sunday in Guangzhou

2009-11-08T10:10:00.000-05:00

So strange to awake on a Sunday morning, without having Mass to attend - I don't like it , but we did something very special to celebrate the Lord's day... but I'm getting ahead of myself!   I woke up this morning struggling with a panic attack, it seemed ill placed, since there was nothing going on today to provocate it, sometimes just lack of sleep and an overactive mind is all I need!   Faith woke today without her usual meltdown, which was wonderful ... she cuddled up to daddy, and woke up slowly but happily, such a treat because it just breaks our heart to see her like that, and wonder just how scary it must be still to her.

At breakfast we learned one of the dad's traveling with us had a possible hernia, and was going to visit a local hospital to assure it was safe for him to travel. He came to our table before he left, to ask us to help out his wife with their new baby, and to pray for him.  I instantly removed the crucifix and miraculous medal from my neck, that I had been able to place on the relic of Padre Pio's to bring him peace in the whatever God had planned ahead.  He actually put it around his neck, honestly thought he'd stick it in his pocket, which really touched my heart. Things like cross necklaces and blessed artifacts don't bring you luck, or miracles, they are merely sacramentals, the things that help remind our human brains with what can be seen, that the unseen is hard at work around us - filled with mercy, love and compassion for whatever situation we are presently facing. (As an aside - he did have the hernia, but PRAISE God is able to finish out the trip, stay with his wife, and postpone surgery until arriving back home on Saturday!! Our doctor traveling with us, who is fantastic, will help him arrange everything when he gets back!!)

That was the downer at breakfast, the upper was Faith and I had this fantastic game of throw the napkin going on for about 1/2 hour, we played tug of war, we threw it back and forth, she played peek a boo underneath it. She giggled and laughed, and we really enjoyed each other's company!! I know it was productive in bonding, because leaving the restaurant, I asked Kevin to ask her to hold my hand again (she is much more compliant when Daddy requests something of her). She fussed, but eventually relented, which was HUGE, because just 3 days earlier in Wuhan, she collapsed into a ball of jello when the same request was made, and NOTHING could sway her differently!! That was the day I ended up carrying her on my shoulder. The moment, like so many of these small breakthroughs brought me to tears.

When then, as Kevin blogged joined a few of the other families in the Swan Room (kids playroom set up on the hotel - which is fantastic!) for a good hour of interactive play -- Kevin helped Faith learned 'sharing' lol, and we were able to interact with other people and children, which was a much needed reprieve of trying to play in a 2 x 4 hotel room!!    Faith is really starting to come out of her shell, and its amazing to watch our caterpillar emerge from her chrysalis -- before long, we truly believe she will be transformed into a beautiful butterfly!! (Thank you Suzanne for that analogy - it hit the situation RIGHT on the nose!!!)

By far my favorite moment of the day, aside from more shopping!!  Was the little private service, we and the family (with the sick dad) that we've really grown close celebrated in honor of the Lord's day. Devout church goers themselves, we struggled with missing Mass, while here in China. We were told there was a Catholic church a few blocks away , but given the strict laws against teaching Christianity to minors, we felt it would be safer to remain at the hotel and share today's Mass readings together. I always have the Magnifcat on me (monthly magazine of the Church's daily mass reading, plus awesome morning and night prayers). We went to their room, because they have the 10 month old, it is easier for us to travel -- we each took turns reciting today's reading. When we had finished, we had a moment to collect our thoughts, reflect on the readings, and then share a moment where you've experienced God the most during the trip thus far.

I started and shared with them what I had blogged about how patient God was waiting on my returning his love, and that I was grateful for this child, and was prepared to do the same on waiting for Faith to be ready to choose herself to receive my love. JUST as I finished my sharing, AS IF ON CUE, Faith REACHED out to me from her carriage!! I had been trying to take her out since we had arrived, and she had fussed at me and refused to allow me to take her out. She is so hardstrong - a great quality unless you are trying to get her to do something. First she hugged me, then she lifted her hands to get out. It was such a gift from God, a kiss from the King (as one of my bible studies once called it). OF course there wasn't a dry eye in the room!!

I told Kevin as we were leaving for dinner shortly after this amazing moment, that perhaps God was allowing this to be so hard, because HE knew that NOW I'd relish every moment and not take a one for granted.   With my boys, I feel like life was so hectic, trying to finish school, work, care for the house, etc, that maybe I missed some precious moments other kisses the King had sent but was too busy to notice. In this situation, of working so hard for every smile, kiss, connection, I am much more appreciative and aware. I am grateful that God has given me so many beams of light in this darkness ... and the whereforeall not to miss a second of it!!

Way to go England!

2009-11-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

Ok the pictures first again:
http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/GuangzhouII#

Just got an email that AJ's team England won the championship after going into double overtime and shootouts! Those boys played some great soccer this year. AJ got a goal in the semi final round but couldn't make the last game. Ian and AJ are in Cambridge with Faith's Godparents Heather and Rich and they are having a great time! Thanks Heather and Rich!!!

Had dinner at Lucy's again tonight but this time I went with the crunchy noodle thingy. It was good. Hope that was chicken in there. Had a Guangzhou beer to wash it down.

This morning we went to this play area that was very cool. Lot of the other families were there, it's amazing watching all the parents establishing relationships with their "little ones". Faith had a blast - need to work on sharing but it's getting there!

It's 10:17pm here on Sunday, 9:17 MA time....I'll end with a photo... PEACE! KG

Sweating in Guangzhou!

2009-11-08T01:33:00.001-05:00

Ok, we are in Guangzhou still (actually to the end of the journey so maybe I won't tell you that so much anymore). It's not the heat, it's the humidity! It's warm. Little one was asleep so I just went for a stroll to the park area. Awesome place this Guangzhou! All over the park area there are brides and grooms getting photo's taken. I took one myself :) and if I don't have anymore Picasa snafu's you might get to see it. You won't get to see last nights cheesburger I had because I accidently deleted those photos from late yesterday and last night. Oops. Stupid Picasa!

We went to a local 7-Eleven today and grabbed some water, that's a big commodity around here - water. And much to my delight they have canned SPAM there at the 7-Eleven so if I can't find anything else tasty to eat I could go snag a can of SPAM and dig in! I took some pictures of that too. I wonder how many outher tourists take a picture of a can of SPAM. Based on the look I got from the man behind the counter - not many.

You can't walk around here much without a sales pitch from somebody in a store but that's ok, they are very nice about it. They all try to push squeaky shoes for your kids. Tell you what, I dislike squeky shoes a lot. Noisesome things they are that's what. And since they don't have much effect on Faith I hope we can avoid them!

Hotel is gorgeous, more pictures of that coming up later as well provided I don't mess up in Picasa!

I also have to say that wifey-pants has amazed me with her patience and trust in God with her and Faith bonding. I got lucky, for me it was right away, for her it hasn't been easy but it is getting better but she never has given up hope, I'd have just said forget it, and be off to the pool or whatever, not Allison, through prayer, patience and love she has been slowly taking down the wall that is between her and Faith. It's been a learning experience for me to watch this as it all unfolds, Allison has taught me much in this, much in the way of patience, love and understanding. Much in compassion. I'm not saying she hasn't let it get her down, or frustrated but she quickly picks up and goes back at it!

Ok, signing off from the hotel room before the sap runs too thick!

Love and Peace everyone! KG

Guangzhou Dinner

2009-11-07T18:49:00.000-05:00

Last night we went to Lucy's restaurant and we had AMERICAN food, I got a cheesburger and fries but I washed it down with Tsing Tau beer so there was a bit of Asian flair to it all..

We walked around the city for a bit to, it's awesome here!

Well, short post we are off to breakfast...

Take a live angry squid to the Dr. Office.

2009-11-07T01:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, so everybody has been telling us how happy they are that we blog this stuff so you can feel like you are a part of this journey.

Today we had to bring Faith to the Clinic thingy in Guangzhou so I want to make this an interactive thing for everyone today who really wants to feel our experience full on. Here's what you do:
1) Get a large 50 pound alive squid.
2) Take it to an office, it can be any office you want doesn't matter.
3) Sit with it for 2 hours and try to keep it calm.
4) Now get the squid ticked off. Very ticked off. For Faith it was 5 shots and seeing toys that didn't look clean enough to play with. Perhaps for the squid you could show it a fish (do squid eat fish)? Any way it helps if the squid is hungry and you show it the fish, but don't let the squid get the fish. Is it really really agitated now? It has to be squirming like crazy, not just mildly agitated. When it is really angry proceed to step 5, if not go back to the beginning of this step.
5) Ok, good, if you are here at step 5 you have one ticked of squirmy squid. Now sit with it for another half hour to 45 minutes and carry it around the streets for a good 15 minute walk.

If you have completed this you are now really a part of our journey. Of course Faith smells way better than a squid and is also very much cuter than any squid I've ever come across, this is more for the physical experience of what we had to deal with.

Crazy day...

2009-11-07T01:42:00.000-05:00

We arrived in Guangzhou last night , after a very long day!   We had to hang around first until 2 for our driver, he first brought us to the Notary office, where we had to painstakingly go over every WORD of the documents they gave us.. ONE mistake and we'd have to travel back to Wuhan (yuck!) to fix them. We found them happily in perfect order, then next back to the Adoption Center (aka registration dept) for her passport. The OFFICE was locked!! We could see our papers, but NO worker, after 10 or so minutes of panic (which in that state feels like 100 hours), we found a woman who opened it, gave us a cool Adoption Certificate (like when you get a new cabbage patch), a document thanking us for the Orphanage donation (Kevin is going to put that up on our website when we get home and can scan it -- it really belongs not just to us, but all of those who generously supported us making that donation!!), and her passport.  I was busy trying to keep an eye on her, because there were toys there, and riding toys to boot that she REALLY likes!! Kevin and the guide took everything, we weren't asked to check papers over, just accept them... ANOTHER LESSON learned in the land of Adoption... unfortunately after in Guangzhou we discovered that her Passport has the wrong birthdate, the transposed 10 to 01...

YEAH NOT good!! I brough it toour guides attention immediately this morning, and are just praying it will be back fixed from Wuhan before we leave on Friday!! Here again is where we feel God has already laid the perfect plan for us... as some of you know, we have to stay 2 1/2 days LONGER than most adoption trips due to the Veterans day holiday. This is a huge blessing , because that gives us the extra days to get this problem fixed and STILL GET us out of the country with the rest of our group! Though they have threatened NOT TO board without us :)))   Our guide seems a wreck about it, but I am confident that its a minor issue, and that they will have it fixed quickly. The most important thing is its not a document that requires TRAVEL back to that Smog-forsaken place to get a new one!! YEAH!!

Oh DID I mention that after running around the city, this time at least in a van (a bit more secure than teeeny tiny taxis), we were shuttled to the airport at 4:30 for a 8:30 flight!! We could have stopped to grab a pizza if we wanted... um the last pizza menu I saw had prawns on it and another eel.. so um we passed!!   We inquired about an earlier flight, and were told there was room but that they couldnt do anything, we'd have to take care of it when we arrived at the airport, by time we got there no seats were left. Soooo , we buckled down for a LONG wait!! Again, God's plans are perfect, we were meant to stay, because the time gave kevin and I an opportunity to share our experience so far, to discuss our feelings good, bad and otherwise about our new roles , our new daughter, and our plans for helping her transition in a positive , yet unspoiled way :)))   We had made the mistake that morning of offering a decade of the rosary for patience -- you pray for it, seems you are always given an opportunity to practice it !!   Faith was good, very overwhelmed by the airport, the people, clung to daddy, very hard on him, poor guy was exhausted but I was glad to see her comforted.

We arrived at 10:00 p.m. , and were JAMMED INTO A bus... a stinky, people filled bus from the tarmac to the terminal (another FUN experience, but again God is merciful and provided us a seat for the journey). Happily our LUGGAGE was there, huge fear we have at every bag carousel !!   We met our guide right away, with relief we'd soon be in a nice cozy bed .. um yeah, not so fast.. first issue, we had to wait for another family , who's flight just HAPPENED TO be delayed, fantastic.. and then well once we did get to the hotel the bed was something close to concrete. We'll be booking my chiropractor appt. my first day back!!!

Today , we were up NICE and early again, first because of worry over the passport (I wanted to email our adoption agency) , and two because we were starving!! Its not like you can do a McD's drive-thru on your way home from places!! IT WAS so amazing seeing all our friends again, and their gorgeous babies, WE all cried!! so funny how people bond in similiar and extreme circumstances, it was like we've been close friends our entire lives! One family is even calling us Auntie Allison, and Uncle Kevin to their daughter which absolutely warmed our hearts. Oh and she came right to me lol so that was a refreshing way to start our day!!

We saw the doctor traveling with the group - from CAWLI today. He is fantastic, so kind and reassuring. We discussed the bonding, and he said it was VERY normal for children at 3 to latch onto one parent at a time, and that when we get home things will equalize. It is what we believed in our hearts, and I continue to work at building her trust, yesterday I dubbed it smile at Faith day - through everything I did, I just smiled big smiles at her. We know how much I LOVE to smile!!! (not lol, but it definitely seemed to be a good course of action, today again we are seeing more and more warming to me... hmmm, I just re-read that sentence, I'm starting to talk with a Chinese accent). Anyway, she is healthy, very smart, funny and the doctor feels her muscle weaknesses and such will all work themselves out as she gets better nutrition and exercise.

I'll leave it to Kevin to blog his experiences at the Physcial Examination office -- He deserves a GOLD MEDAL for his patience today!! gosh golly I love this guy!!

Guanzhou

2009-11-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

Finally the last leg of the Journey is here! We are at the White Swan hotel in Guanzhou. It's a far cry from the Marco Polo in Wuhan but it will do! The bed was like sleeping on a king size piece of plywood! Kind of tired but the hot shower felt great!

Faith didn't mind the plane ride at all. Kind of like takeoff and landing. Only three more takeoffs and landings till Boston MA!!! Today we go see the Dr. and maybe Faith gets some vaccinations (hope not).

Ian and Adam seem to be doing great back at home, that's awesome - thanks to all of you who have been taking care of them while we are gone, it helps put our minds at ease knowing they are in such capable hands.

I'm sure Allison will be blogging today as well so I'll end here.

Peace and Love to all back home!

Profound Enlightment today

2009-11-05T20:33:00.000-05:00

Good Friday morning all - you haven't even completed your thursday evening yet, and we have embarked on another day here in Wuhan. Faith was up early, and is a little out of sorts today , very clingy to Kevin, and everything that has worked for me yesterday to grow closer is not working today. She does still allow me to care take, loves my chapstick and even kisses me after I put it on her. After a difficult bath and dressing time, I recessed by myself to the shower. As I always do, I took that time to turn to God in prayer for some good quality chat time... What He spoke to my heart was so profound, I had to share.

I was struck by an analogy between my relationship with God , and my budding relationship with FengHua. How many times i thought did He reach out to me, and all I gave him in response was a polite nod - as I'd choose to attend church for holy days, or even when I decided to go each week. It wasn't a commitment , just a nod that He was there, that he created me, and provides for me, but that I didn't want any more from Him than that. Oh but if I DID need something, I knew he was there for me. IF any problem arose, or a need was being filled, I knew I could go to him and ask, and most times I'd receive.

It is here that I thought of Faith, I could just accept that she allows me to care take for her, I could say, well that is the relationship we are going to have. She will know I care, and that if she needs anything I am here. We could smile politely at each other, acknowledging that we live in the same house, that she is somewhat dependent on me for food, clothes, education, toys, but we'd stay at arms length. Protecting our hearts, or my heart from any pain future rejection would cause me. but I can't ... its not in my nature, I desire more, I desire a closer bond, I desire that we share real LOVE between each other - beyond needs, wants and cares.

That is when I realized so deeply that is exactly HOW God feels, He accepts the surface relationships, and is happy for them. But he DESIRES so much more, and he never gives up. He arrives day after day, offering to carry our burdens, meet our needs, help us out, provide us guidance, and most of all give us unconditional love. Unconditional... without condition. Was I willing to do that, to give love over and over, until Faith in her own time is ready to return that, like God had done for me for 34 or so years. Come without condition, waiting on my returning that love, on my embracing Him for the Father and King of my heart that he is.

As it is not his nature to accept no less than LOVE, made in His image, it is not mine either ... IN through HIS Grace (that freely given, undeserved gift that helps us be more godly in our behavior) , I will wait, just as he waits. With patience, and perservance - never expecting, always hoping ... Where does my help come from, MY HELP comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and Earth (Casting Crowns lyrics). I hope all day and night in the LORD (Psalms) -- because if HE had given up on me, when i rejected Him day after day for 30+ plus years where would I BE right now?? Not in China, not in an amazing marriage with 3 beautiful children, not confident and at peace in my circumstances, which as a human are never easy.

One final thought, I have often read about the growing of your faith as trips to Mountain tops and Valleys. On the Mountain top all is amazing- we are on top of the World!! But what grows up there?? A few weeds, nothing with real roots. No, in order for real growth to happen, you need to return to the valley. There, although pain is there, and discomfort, and things we'd rather AVOID happening in our lives, the soil is rich, and growth can be lush - deep roots, making for strong plants (strong faith). During the last few days I've been up and down that mountain a million times -- no wonder I'm so tired!! I am grateful for the fruit though :)))

Growing closer together

2009-11-05T18:01:00.000-05:00

What I have to say I love about building bonds, is that it is such a family effort. I have loved seeing Kevin in this new role of Fatherhood. With the boys he is their playmate, and often their ringleader lol, which is wonderful but this is different, he needs to be the 'heavy' so to speak with her as to not endanger our bonding process. She responds so well to his direction and guidance, still loving him to pieces when he has to tell her no (as in when she wants the camera, or is trying to whack us with a toy -- this is how she plays - big SMILE ON her face, would have loved to see this in action with all the other kids in the foster home.. may explain the plethora of scares she has!!) He is so sweet and gentle, reaching out to hold my hand when she refuses, to hug and kiss me when she pulls away, and to include me when she wants to leave me out. He thinks of it all before I do, and wants to much to see us forge a bond. Now I know why we've lasted 25 years together -- cuz he's just awesome! And I'm the luckiest chick in the universe (oh yeah and he's the cutest thing too!!) *no kevin did not write this lol

Yesterday was a really great day - better than what I anticipated when I woke at 4 a.m. knowing we had a fill a whole day so that it wouldn't drag on and on!! We had that wonderful bath in the morning, then breakfast - she eats pancakes and fruit, and barely can see over the table (no booster seats here) and she's attempting a fork- but was elated when we showed her it was ok to us her fingers lol!! Then we took a walk to a shopping area (pictures are up on picassa)... that was an experience, was good to see her city better. Was strange the things you don't see in Wuhan... African Americans, pregnant women, Caucasians (we literally saw NONE on our walk today), closed doors on shops and stores, airplanes in the sky (could be the smog). What you do see in Wuhan... kids being held by their moms off the sides of benches split pants wide open peeing on the sidewalk, men pushes LARGE wooden carts on the sidewalk, next to Mercedes parked on the sidewalk - oh and you see CARS DRIVING on sidewalks!

Next we came back for a light snack, and FengHua took a nearly 3 hour nap -- we made sure she had on a pull up this time!! **In case neither of us mentioned she peed the bed the day before during her nap.. opps! After the nap, more snack (no wonder I'm not losing the weight I had anticipated over here!!) ... her Foster mother sent her with yummy chinese snacks that have been a godsend in keeping her happy. We got her milk from walmart on our first day ... its in little juice-type containers perfect size for her and NO refridgeration required!! Then over to the park again across the street. The last time we went, she held my hand the whole time,usually if Kevin puts her hand in mine she will hold it. But after our trek in the city where she was held by Kevin the whole time, she was not giving in this time. She stomps her little foot, puts her hand behind her back, and tries to get Kevin to pick her up. We were steadfast in not giving in to having Kevin pick her up. I just felt in my heart that if we did, it would be a big blow to our bonding. We compromised, she had to walk but just holding daddy's hand, I held daddy's hand too... it made us actually laugh to see her look at me with a little scrunched up face as to say, hmmm thats not what was suppose to happen lol. Eventually I had a brainstorm to put her on my shoulders, without making eye contact, I had Kevin lift her up there - there is one picture of her initial reaction (crying), but she calmed right down, I think she liked being eye level wiht Daddy. I kept her up there for a good mile or so - there is another picture of Mommy's small victory (not crying) just a few moments later!!

When we got back, we had dinner, she had penne and butter (I wanted to be sure she was ready for mom's gourmet cooking when we got home lol). After dinner, I went to toilet her, and change her into PJs, since she was already 1/2 undressed after going pee, I thought we'd just get on jammies in the bathroom. She lifted her arms for her shirt, and went RIGHT back to the tub!! YEAH... another bonding bath. This one was an hour long, and since they are silent, its very peaceful ... I just prayed the Hail Mary over and over in my head, as we played. I had a cup and I would just run the water softly over her hands and toes, she LOVED that, lifting one foot then the other, even spreading apart her toes to get the water in between.

Then at the end of the day, the 3 of us cuddled in bed,we said our rosary, with the beads dangling over her head, she clutched the crucifix examining it closely. The pointed it to me, and I kissed it, then daddy, who did the same, we repeated this game for a while, and then she too kissed it, followed right by an attempt to bite it lol. It was a funny moment, which turned into a night of giggles,and games and getting her very riled up before bed lol. This time it was ME doing it, and Kevin saying, Honey, she won't go to sleep, don't you think you should stop that now. NAH... it was way too much fun, maybe I'll be more sympathetic to him next time he's wrestling with boys at bedtime!

KidFax

2009-11-05T03:04:00.001-05:00

Wouldn't it be awesome if all orphans came with KidFax, you know like CarFax... you could get information like, was this kid ever in an accident. Have they been mistreated, and/or taken in for lots of service. Have they had all there tune ups (visit doctor regularly), and are they filled with the proper oils, fluids, etc (vaccinations). How many miles do they have on them (aka when is there REAL birthday)? Do they leak? [Ours does lol - she's peed and puked - 2x - on me already :) ]

Just a random thought for you to wake up to!!

Sweating in Wuhan!

2009-11-05T00:34:00.000-05:00

Ok, as always, link to the new pictures first.
http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/WuhanIV#

This morning we took it easy, Allison took a bath with Faith - read her blog after this one if you haven't yet, it's way more well written and emotional and all that girly stuff than I could ever try to be....after breakfast we went for a walk to this cool area where there are shops and no motor vehicles at all allowed. See pictures for a visual, since a picture paints a thousands words I'll say no more.

I'll tell ya, for a city lovingly nickna med the Furnace City (one of four in China and from what I hear the worst one) the AC in the hotel isn't so great! It's flipping hot in here and I'm not great at Celcius but I figure if I put it as low as it goes I should be cold. No such luck.

I think I need to change Faith's nickname from "Little One" to "Little Velcro One". I should have gotten a stroller when I went to WalMart in Wuhan! For a little one she gets heavy! People who have been to China (Heather) told me I'd be stared at. They were correct! We got a lot of stares today on the walk. A few folks tried to talk to us, that didn't go so well today as it did yesterday. Oh well, a few smiles, a bow and all is good and we are on our way.

We also got to see split pants in use again today as a boy was using them today in the area with the shops (not sure what else to call it!). If you look through the photos from above note the one of the big red building - China Citic Bank - that's where I had a bank account with 4,000 US in it for about 10 minutes, and I didn't even get a free toaster!

Ok, my arms are tired from carrying Faith so much today, hope she walks this afternoon!

PEACE AND LOVE EVERYONE!

Babystep Blessings

2009-11-04T23:49:00.000-05:00

This morning I awoke very anxious, unsure, and tired. Though for the first time since departing a week ago, I slept for almost 8 hours - straight! Yesterday was a very difficult day for me emotionally, Faith, as is very normal for an adopted child, has selected a parent to reject, that would be me. I am grateful its sporadic, and she does allow me to fill her every care need, which will continue to build our bond over time. I truly felt like yesterday for her was the day of reckoning, of realizing this is not a temporary thing - vacation is over, who are these people and why aren't they bringing me home. Everytime I look in her eyes, my heart aches for her to know the truth of what is happening... so I pray, because only He can sing that song to her heart -- and I KNOW He will. He has obviously already done that by her comfort and ease with Kevin.

Though as much as I long for her to cling, he is worn out at the end of the day by her -- neither bad, nor a complaint, just how this is, and how the extremes will begin to fade as life returns to a normal pace for us all. We are just at the gateway, its only been 3 days though it feels like 100 -- mostly due to our previous sleep of 2 or 3 hours at a time, making a normal day nearly 20 hours long!! Being alone in the province of Hubei, separated from the rest of the group was creating feelings of isolation -- living in this vacuum was magnifying every feeling and emotion. All normal and part of the process, but no easier when you are in the middle of it.

Last night, we lay down at 8:30, and prayed the rosary as a family -- I signed a few Our Father's and Hail Mary's , when her gaze fell onto the crucifix dangling from Daddy's rosary - I stopped, and let Him teach her prayers with words I'll never know this side of Heaven. We prayed for our health, for our safety, for strength and wisdom, we prayed for healing on this poor child who's life is a mystery to us but obviously included trauma and loss. We praised for the opportunity to be worker's in his vineyard, and for the amazing Love God must have for us to use our own DREAMS of having a daughter (and even knowing from a very young age, that my daughter would be deaf) to do His Will. We are so loved by our Heavenly Father -- struggles will abound in minute amounts, but LOVE will abound beyond measure!

This morning, as anxiety crept back into my heart, I feel to my knees, feeling even closer to Heaven aside the window of the 24th floor. I prayed for strength, for peace in my circumstance, and that His Will be done in all things -- I invoked the Holy Spirit, and prayed for intercessions. Prayer carries power far larger than any fear. And so our day began ...

Faith does not like transitions AT ALL, and so wakes every morning crying. We decided that after last night [I had taken a bath with her, she went rather begrudgingly,, and cried through most of it, but there were moments of calm, and when i let her go, she'd scoot back against me as a sign that although she was so unsure, she was still willing to try with me. I gave her a little back rub as I washed her back, she loved the massage, and so I rubbed her little legs absent of any muscle, and her adorable big feet lol ... and we cried together, and prayed a lot], that we'd give bonding a little break - and focus on my fulfilling only care needs today, and not push an emotional bond. I wanted to give her a chance to process, and open on her own.

As she sat cuddling with Daddy in the chair, I decided to shower ... I left the room, and she came waddling after me. She went right to the tub, and looked me, and pointed inside. She was confused, and so cried, and waddled back to daddy, but then came back... I started to run the water, and she put her hands up to have her jammies removed. My heart leapt, could she really be seeking a bonding experience with me - on her own. Please Lord I prayed, guide my every move. We got in and she backed right up against me, a wimper here and there, but she wanted to be there. I repeated last night's routine of backrub and backwash -- she nearly feel asleep!! she Was so calm and relaxed, no more crying, wimpering. Kevin was in the room this time, but she didn't reach for him, or try to escape, she just laid against me, as I rubbed those skinny legs and long toes. and yes, we cried again, but this time it was just the 2 big ones, the little one was just soaking up the tub and the love!

What an amazing moment, a turning point -- not the end,nope not even close, but a beginning. She now kisses me whenever I pucker up to her, she has reduced significantly the turned up faces of disgust she was giving me when I approach, and is still allowing me to care for her every physical need. My heart overflows at how one can love someone so much that you just met 3 days ago, did not given birth too , and know so little about... It reminded me so much of the relationship between us and God -- except he knows everything about us!! To be adopted into the family of God, means to be loved by Him the same way He loves Jesus... there is no difference in His eyes, just as I love Faith, with the same fervor I love Adam and Ian -- for we are adopted into the Kingdom of God and loved with an everlasting love -- IF this were not true, I would not be here, and Faith FengHua would never have become my daughter - my flesh and blood. Amen, again I say, Amen!

Thursday

2009-11-04T18:33:00.000-05:00

Just waking up on Thursday, we'll see what today brings, she has allowed me to give her milk and touch her leg (without waving me off, or making this big scrunchy face she gives me when she wants me gone lol), and she is smiling slightly at me, so baby steps!! She is very much like her Momma NOT a morning person, so to be so warm to me so early is a great sign! Two more days here and we get to join the rest of our group, we LONG for that day.. a few extra prayers for us today, would be greatly appreciated!! this is our HUMP day ... 1/2 way there but so ready to be done! Tomorrow will be very busy with gather paperwork, and going to the airport, it will fly but today is our last isolated empty day. We are going to venture out for a nice long walk to this little outside village in Wuhan, get a taste of her culture... we've had enough of the 'taste' of the air here - SMOG (remember the first day of the Beijing olympics! If you watched the coverage you know what I"M talking about lol my lungs are screaming for mercy). We had a long day yesterday with many trials and tribulations -- but also TRIUMPHS! This is far harder than either of us ever imagined, but I think that is good that we didn't come with any knowledge of what to expect - we are just taking it moment by moment, prayerfully encountering all that this adventure holds. We just had a little impromptu game of roll the car back and forth - that was fun!! Ok off to shower, and begin our day -- thank you again for all your words of encouragement and prayers - we'd be lost without them!!!

More Photos

2009-11-04T02:07:00.000-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/WuhanIII#

We went to the waterfront park this morning - 11/5 and had a nice long walk with Faith. Photos are above...she just woke up so I'm off! Had a bit of an accident during nap time today, need new sheets I suppose!

See ya in a bit!

Split pants

2009-11-04T00:13:00.000-05:00

Faith is completely potty trained (YES God's plans are truly good!) ... though what she is having to learn is how to use a western style toilet. Here in China they have what I refer to as 'Squat Pots' its probably their official name lol but to me it just is the best description of these strange things! They are porcelain bowls in the floor of the stall, with 2 ridged landings for your feet, and yep you guessed it , you just SQUAT over it and do you business!! Attempting here to not cross the TMI line -- I have to say, most woman squat anyway, and I have to say not having a big cumbersome toilet in the way was kind of refreshing -- course I was only doing #1, I will explode before trying the other ... ok enough of that as that line may be blurring here!!

You rarely (ok pretty much never) find toilet paper - its a bring your own system (at least that's what I'm hoping -- cause the alterative is just icky!!! I am making an educating inference when our guide handed me a square for FengHua when the orphanage caretaker took her potty at the Adoption Center). They also don't have SOAP DISPENSERS at their sinks!! Thank goodness for hand sanitizer (aka magic soap!!).

Aside from navigating this big potty, she also now has to learn how to pull down her pants, its not that the caregivers did it for her,there was NO NEED, in China little children wear split pants!! And Yes that is exactly what it sounds like , there is a rather LARGE split right down the crotch of the pants- no velcro, no button, no zipper ... open, ALWAYS open!! and no wiping (seriously lol). How does that work in the winter?? Your guess is as good as ours, they had her BUNDLED in 2 layers of pants (so yes now we have 2 pairs of split pants for exhibition!) Kevin was concerned of their usefulness to say, go sledding!!

She's doing remarkably well with the potty, she hasn't yet learned to tell us when she needs to go , just dutifully holds it until we remember - or she holds on to her bottom when she has to do #2, which is cute -- well its only CUTE THAT its not split pants. I don't need to be handed any surprises :))) On that note - I'm off to get lunch!!

Love, Allison (ok how many of you thought it was KEVIN's post!!!)

Focusing on the Positive

2009-11-03T23:47:00.000-05:00

First let me say I JUST love when someone catches me on love online and IM me, that is awesome! I have had some of the most amazing talks, and all of them PERFECTLY timed uplifts!! More signs that God is in control of this journey.

So Today I'm focusing not on the struggles and difficulties but what is going right!! Its all part of the rollercoaster, when I count my blessings, they far outweigh any of the trials we are facing here. That being said here's what we are Praising God for in thanksgiving for his loving province and protection:
We are here, safe and sound, we were able to get her early Monday morning with no problems -- and we didn't die in the car rides, we didn’t lose the stupid wad of cash they made us bring, we are veryu healthy and were NOT quarantined (oh there is no spell check on this so bare with me) coming into the country or upon arriving in Wuhan, we are not fighting - as we can be prone to do in HIGH STRESS situations (I guess we are growing up lol), we are really working well as a team. She lets me do just about all her caretaking so I am part of the picture not sitting on the outskits looking but truly serving an important and HUMBLING roll!! Another upside to her wanting more daddy time -- I get more computer time then Kevin, which everyone who knows my Facebook addiction can appreciate. Another thing I can not fail to mention and PRAISE God's holy name in is that... She could have rejected us both and be at the hotel door screaming the whole time, bagging and trying to escape, and we could both be staring at each other praying for a way to comfort here. Instead, she is safe and happy with daddy, and that is a miracle, and a blessing! She accepts all my offers for caretaking - food, toileting (OH I need to blog about toileting here its hysterical), doing her hair, giving her baths, and wiping her nose! My prayer was that she would somehow know we were here to care for, protect, and love her. IT is obvious that she does, through the GRACE of God, know that!!

More pictures

2009-11-03T18:33:00.000-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/WuhanII#

Ok we got more pictures up finally! Was a crazy few days there... You have to figure out what pictures Faith took when she got a hold of the camera and was playing flash in your face with us.... it was fun!

More pictures of Wuhan and the Yangtzee river coming today I hope if we trek over there!

Every hour brings something new

2009-11-03T08:24:00.000-05:00

I know I already blogged for today but... so much has happened since that blog, I have to send an addendum!! Ok, so when I last wrote hubby and daughter were fast asleep - she was laying on his chest/belly , cuddled up and out cold!! both were snoring, was actually quite cute. I love that she makes these little noises - squeaks, sighs, and apparently light snoring. That may be due to this little cold - which GOOD NEWS, no fever since this morning, no meds since 7 a..m.!! Yeah!!

So when she woke up, I tried to join the waking party - oh and that's when things fell apart -- but happily only temporarily it was the valley that has brought us to this next mountaintop! This is such a rollercoaster - and boy do I dislike rollercoasters! But there is much fun in the ride if you just sit back and let it move you where you are to go and not fight against it. Even though my rational mind knows - its not me, its all a big transition, she will grow to love me, yadda yadda, at the moment, when you are sleep deprived, and thousands miles away from your other children (esp. the one who can't let you out of HIS sight without crying lol) your heart breaks. Kevin at that moment had to go to the bathroom, she immediately collapsed into loud wails and lots of tears. Yesterday, I would put out my arms and in his absence she'd run to me - still crying but at least she'd allow me to calm her. NOT this time, which hurt even more , I picked her up anyway, determined that the body contact and my 'calm' manner would win her over. Yeah, NOT SO much!! It escalated (it was a loooong pee lol) ... and I eventually had to give in and put her down - still very upset. Kevin came out and she ran to him, and well, to be quite honest all those emotions I had struggling with for the last 24 hours came RUSHING out!! I left the room for a walk to pray, and bring myself back to reality - no one said this would be easy! The halls are super short, so walking it off wasn't really working. I came in, and collapsed at our desk - what if this never changes , what if whatever makes her so dislike woman I am never able to overcome (thank you so much Joanne for your words of wisdom -- they were ringing through my head as I prayed for guidance).

Kevin got a brainstorm and came over to comfort me, carrying her, he hugged me and rubbed my back. That very moment was the beginning of what became an absolutely REMARKABLE turn of events over the next 4+ hours!! Kevin said down on the bed, and called me over to them, he put his arm around me, and kissed my check. Faith tried to swat me off, but he gently but firmly told her no, and stroked my arm gently , so watched him and copied him. He suggested I get the colorworks, since we seem to share that common ground. I layed across the bed on my belly, like a little kid and began to color, I offered her a marker, and her tears lessened, and she joined in - and we sat quietly scribbling away sharing markers, she likes to put on and take off the covers. She also loves GRABBING all of them and hoarding them - a very common behavior of orphans.

We decided at that time to give her a bath together - that was another turning point. Kevin just sat, and I did all the playing with her, we filled a cup with toys and water, and then dumped them from way up high. She watched me carefully, then copied everything I did. She laughed and splashed, and slipped and slided lol and though that gave me mild heart failures, she thought it was the funniest thing ever!! We then filled the cup with clean water and she poured it over her head -- we had to repeat this several times. The early tension and fears were melting away with every pour we made together! I praised Jesus aloud for bringing us this light in our darkness - my heart leapt as I felt more hope then ever before!!

Our next breakthrough came just moments later, when we had dried her off, put pigtails in her hair (pictures to be posted it was what I had dreamt of doing to her hair since we started the adoption process of a little Chinese girl!!), and put on her ariel pjs. She got angry with me, not exactly sure what I was doing, for the last 2 days it was often just how I looked at her, and RAN to daddy -- another light went off, but this time it was an idea! I remembered the papers we received about Faith's foster life. There was a line that ran, whenever mother disciplines or if she does not like what mother wants, she cries and runs to daddy (foster daddy) and HE PICKS HER UP! oh my gosh... bells , whistles, sirens!! THAT'S IT!! She was just repeating the behavior pattern her foster parents had established!! well my dear friends (and family)... I AM over the moon to report that since this little discovery EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED!! IN fact... just a few moments ago I had to stop mid-blog because my daughter came to me to pull me to window, to pick her up , and then dragged me down to the ground to play!! YUP -- she likes me too now, she really does.

I will go into more detail in the next blog -- as I'm obviously going to take full advantage of her new found acceptance of me!! Plus we are going to skype with the boys in just 10 minutes. My lesson today - though to pinpoint one impossible, or to decipher God's plan ridiculous feels like the one He has given me all along -- TRUST IN THE LORD with all your heart, LEAN not on your own understanding, acknowledge Him in all your ways and HE will make straight your path (Prov. 3:5-6)... that goes really hand and hand with another scripture from Isaiah -- God's ways ARE NOT our ways!! amen to that ... OH wait... before I GO the other really big news was...

SHE SIGNED today!! Her first sign was the applause sign - when the deaf want to cheer or applaud the shake their hands in open palms on either side of their heads... then she signed kiss. YES Kevin and I both cried!! LOL :)))) We are working on Mom, Dad, and Faith, Potty (which I thought for sure would be her first sign!!), amongst others!! I was so positive after I saw how much she liked to mimic, that it would not take her any time to start signing. It's amazing as it appears she really has no word - meaning connections at all!! Although she is almost 4, after just 2 days with her, Kevin and I see her truly as a 2 year old -- size, behavior and development... oh JUST potty trained... God's plans are good , no doubt!!

Ok, I'm too much of a softy!

2009-11-03T06:05:00.000-05:00

I have learned tonight I can't pick up Faith (AKA "Little One") ever time she cries. She's currently standing by my chair with her arm on it but she isn't screaming so it's good. Allison just gave her a bath and she had a blast! Now they are playing play-doh together. Faith needs to realize soon that it is her mother that knows to bring these things for her to do, it's her mother that brought us both her to get her, Dad's along for the ride.

On a totally different note if you ever want to do anything crazy and totally daring forget sky diving, forget bungee jumping, instead travel to China and hop in a cab for a ride around the city. All cars here have blinkers but they are more like that little tray that doesn't fit anything near the cup holders, nobody uses them. They have rear view mirrors too but those are more decoration as well. Lane markers, they are meant to be ignored as well. But what is amazing is everyone cuts everyone off, everyone drives crazy but nobody gets angry, it's an accepted part of the adventure. Surprisingly I feel very safe, Allison - not so much.

Will be Skyping with Ian Adam and my mom and dad soon! Looking forward to that. Hmm, Faith just came back to watch me type...Allison's still playing with Play-Doh. Never mind Faith just went back to play with her....does everyone like the play by play???

Faith and I took a nice nap today after lunch. We gotta get out of this swanky place, lunch isn't cheap but there isn't much else around here we trust. I've been eating pasta a lot, Faith eats congee a lot...apparently congee is some kind of watery rice dish.

Well, I think that's enough for now, I feel I'm rambling!

PEACE/LOVE!
Kevin

Another day - another story

2009-11-03T01:46:00.000-05:00

It is Tuesday, Nov. 3rd 1:06 p.m. (just barely Tuesday in the States - I'm still working on the time change!! good thing I splurged on the new watch with 2 time zones!! OR I'd be totally lost!!

so this morning we got up early (AGAIN) to take another harrowing ride to the Chinese Adoption bureau. I feel like its time to describe being a passenger in China -- frightening comes to mind. It's amazing the whole country isn't Christian by the amount of prayer I feel it takes to even step into a car here!! Staying with in the lines is optional, changing lines when you feel it apparently commonplace, they must go through 3 or 4 set of brakes a year! Everyone brakes and beeps, and goes about their business like they are the only one on the road - yet somehow remarkably get to their destinations!! The speeds aren't very high, since we are in big cities, the only saving grace -- plus did I mention the PRAYER!!

We have to go back out Thursday and Friday both times we've hired car services, as they use VANS, and you feel a wee bit safer! Boy do I long for the HUGE bus we enjoyed traveling in Beijing with the rest of our group!! Thursday we travel to the registration office to look over our adoption certificate... NO stress there, we were told, "IF there is anything wrong on it when you get to Guanzhou, you will bare the expense of returning to Wuhan to fix it" GULP - um just having to FLY back gives me the horrors -- so PLEASE EXTRA PRAYERS we don't miss anything!!!! Friday we return to the Adoption office for her Passport, then off to the airport and to the final leg of this amazing journey... but that is still a few days away...

So what was today like - we went to the adoption office to sign papers, including answering questions on why we wished to adopt from China -- I wish I could just gush to this woman that God called me to it, and that this has been a dream put on my heart since I was a young girl to not only adopt a Chinese daughter, but that I've always known she'd be deaf. The answers need to be carefully worded as to not trigger the official to revoke your right to adopt. I gushed instead on how much we've always wanted a daughter, that we admire the Chinese people and culture, and are honored to have a Chinese daughter. Though I sat across from her with my crucifix and miraculous medal around my neck - which I did contemplate not bringing. Although after I had the opportunity to bring the medals, Faith's picture and my rosary beads to pray on a relic of Saint Padre Pio -- I KNEW they all had to come with me!

Faith's little buddy from her orphanage (they were fostered next door to each other) was also being adopted today. His name is Yan yan, and he is going to a lovely family in Sweden, he will have a 5 year old sister, who was also adopted from China, and who ADORES her new brother already. We exchanged emails to help the kids stay connected! So cool! He has one deformed ear, but is not deaf. Yesterday they were brought together to the adoption office, and chased each other around on riding toys. Faith was quick to share everything she found, including 2 little basketballs. What she didn't wish to give back was his new remote to the remote control firetruck! Finally, mommy , a trained preschool professional, came to the rescue (sensing a BRAWL on the horizon) offering her the new Kai Lan doll in exchange for the remote. Phew, she was cool with the trade - emergency diverted!!

I'll end with the coolest thing that happened today - we were finally able to teach Faith 'kisses', for 2 days when we puckered up to her, she stared at us like we were crazy! The breakthrough went something like this... Mom: puckered up and sent a few air kisses. Dad: pointed to his cheek on the Mommy side. Mommy planted a kiss on his cheek. Faith: Miss Copycat (yeah sorta lol), followed suit and kissed Daddy's cheek. Then Mom: puckered up towards Faithy, who then puckered up too. Mom leaned forward, Faith leaned and planted my first KISS!! From my precious daughter on my lips!! and to be sure got it, I selfishly went back for second -- sweet!! she got it - 2 kisses, and a big smile!! And so the bonding baby steps continue!!

More later -- we finally get to Skype and introduce our newest child, to our preexisting children!! We can't wait!!

Monday in a Nutshell

2009-11-02T15:08:00.000-05:00

I wish I could just scan my journal into the computer !! It chalk full of the day's many adventures... guess you'll just have to read the book (ha ha). Let me try to wrap it into a nice readable - without having to use your whole lunch hour. If I repeat anything Kevin said sorry , I didn't read his post yet (shhhh don't tell him).

Our first day together was far better than any of my anxieties allowed me to believe! She did take right to us, and actually did not cry until Kevin had to leave with the guide to change our orphanage donation from US to Yuan, and visit Walmart for water and her milk. Her milk comes in a 'juice box' type container, very cute - but I have to be honest gives her the worse breath lol -- not that we might dragon breath when it comes from such an adorable package!!

So it is that 3 hours I will blog about because out of the whole day it was the most significant to me. It actually turned out to be a God directed time for us, as she is very attached to her Foster father, so naturally is gravitating more to Kevin. From the reports we recieved, I was prepared for it - but no one who has waited a lifetime for something can really be prepared for your daughter rejecting you when daddy is around ... but more on that later. It is this time that God allowed me, to give me strength to know in my heart that this is an enormous process for her - profound loss will accompany the gains. She must grieve, and in the process if she has comfort from any source, I would certainly never begrudge her that. God's plans are perfect, and I have great faith :) in them!!

So our 3 hours alone for bonding ... first she cried, so hard she threw up (may also have to do with her slight congestion and cough - very flemmy). So as I caught the vomit (sorry if that was graphic) and grabbed a towel to catch the next round, I realized, OH yeah I'm her mom -- cuz it didn't gross me out, I just did what needed to be. This lead to her first bath - which despite the bubbles and toys, and my antics only partically appeased her - but now she smelt great!! She was super cooperative getting her clothes on, even though a periodic wimper or out and out cry would come - she does make noise , OH my yes, she makes LOTS of noise!! She even cooperated putting her (first pair) of undies on the right way, after silly mommy put them on backwards!! The first outfit I choose was her little jeans (p.s. wondering minds she's a 3T - barely...she is sooooooo tiny!!), a rose short sleeve, white socks with fringe and rose barrets!! OH fun!! She loved me playing with her hair, and would turn side to side to admire the barretts, touching them, looking at me, and admiring them again.

After the bath the entertaining (aka distracting) show began!! Still distraught by daddy's leaving, pointing to the door and crying - I began searching for common ground on which to establish my own bond with her. I was not allowed peek a boo, which she had initated with kevin during our ride home, and belongs only to him. When she wants you to stop or doesn't want anything she waves her open hand side to side - its ADORABLE!! Even when she is breaking your heart!! So I moved on to toys we moved from playdoh, to figurines, to finally the colorwonder markers where we found our shared activity! She LOVES to 'color' -- yeah me too, and so we sat , her on my lap for a 1/2 hour covering and uncovering markers and scribbling together.

She drew tired, and began to fuss again. I moved to the only chair in the room,not a rocker or swivel, and she curled up close to my chest, arms wrapped around me - now back to hysterics... probably more out of exhaustion and confusion then anything, as she had stopped pointing and looking for Kevin. I rejoiced in her trust that whoever I was I would somehow keep her safe. I held her tight, and rocked, swayed, jossled her with my legs and body, until she feel asleep in my arms!! What a gift I realized this was - her, my daughter finally in my arms after 2 years of dreaming. I covered her in prayer - seeking comfort and courage for her journey ahead. For strength to battle her cold, and that someday she'd realize the miracle of God placing her live in ours, and that the world of language and real communication was at her fingerips !!

As soon as Kevin arrived back, she returned to pretty much solely seeking his comforting arms (heck who could blame her, they've been my rock and shelter for 25 years and it's not done me any harm!!) We have this glimmers that God allows me keeping me strong and confident that this light and momentary affliction has in it a spiritual growth necessary for my salvation, and like all from God I accept it with His Grace to bring me through.

Although this sounds probably all dramatic and sad, there are so many lights - so let me end bysharign those!! She allows me to brush her teeth, change her clothes, help her use the potty (I'll share why this is a funny adventure in another blog), will accept some food from me, will sit on my lap and scribble with me, and if Kevin is absent CLINGS TO me, she even runs into my arms when I put them out. And just before I got up to blog, she woke (she is sleeping between us) - kevin's back was to her and we were face to face. I have to scrunch my face at her instead of smile (don't ask - just know my smile invokes a wave on that magic open 5 hand!!) - I put out my hand, and she put hers in it, and drifted back to sleep!

God Bless you all for your amazing support - I have never myself been covered in prayer before this trip. I can not begin to describe how amazing that feels!! We long to be home, so that you can all experience this precious child in person... but we know that each moment has a blessing in it designed purposefully by God, and we don't wish to miss a single one. So, we wait on Him, and know we'll be home before we know it!!

We are reading your comments

2009-11-02T04:44:00.000-05:00

Just to let you all know we are reading all the comments! Allison and I get them via email and we LOVE THEM ALL, THANK YOU - A thousand times THANK YOU all for the comments, very encouraging.

Ok, I better go offline now, I'm getting too sappy.... Faith is coloring with Allison and Claire our guide.

Today those two years of long waiting were proven worth every single second!

2009-11-02T04:17:00.000-05:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/kpgingras/WeHaveFaith#

Ok, nobody can wait to see the photos so the link is first. Today we went to The Center for Intercountry Adoption of Hubei Provence. We had to fill out some paperwork but soon after our arrival FengHua showed up with the representatives from the Agency. She was there with another boy who was fostered in the same neighborhood and went to school with her and he also was being adopted today but to Switzerland. The agency was AWESOME! They gave us a photo book and a coin they had made for her to remember where she came from.

She took right to us! She doesn't seem to want either of us to leave her already! Our guide Claire (American name) is also with us, she has been fantastic! We had to trade all the american money for Yuan at a couple of banks and without her wouldn't have gone so well. Interestingly enough for 15 minutes today I, Kevin Gingras, had a bank account in China. I had to open it to exchange the money. We did 2/3 of it at one bank and the rest at another. The second bank was much easier.

Faith FengHua is currently discovering how our camera works and flashing it in everyone's eyes! She is hilarious! We are loving every minute of it! When I went out on errands she got a bath from Allison and then took a two hour nap on her. We got congee for her for dinner, breakfast probably the same tomorrow. Apparently congee is just overwatered rice. It's not bad.

Another treat was I got to go to WalMart in Wuhan. Not too different from WalMart in America. It isn't open 24 hours like ours and I didn't get a smiley sticker!

Please keep praying for us because we aren't home yet but at least we have our reason for being here with us now! She's got a bit of a cold but seems very happy!

Love you all - thanks for all your prayers and help, without all of you behind us this NEVER would have happened! KG.

Gotcha Day

2009-11-01T12:37:00.000-05:00

So HERE we are - 1:21 a.m. on Monday Nov. 2nd - the day we will meet our daughter, what they sweetly review to as "gotcha day!" As you can imagine sleep is NOT easy to come by - I fell asleep last night at 7:30 p.m. after an exhausting day of travel. I am way too excited to get any more sleep today!! Two years of dreaming and praying, and waiting is about to be over - its quite surreal! I wish the office wasn't so far away - one hour by taxi, mostly because driving over here is absolutely INSANE!!! NO seatbelts and no sense of traffic laws... whatsoever!!! Extra prayers for safety please while we spend time in her province of Hubei... thanks!!

My comfort in the last few days , whenever my anxiety is great is that I serve a God that keeps His promises. I am confident that He has called us here to bring Faith home. The bible says, He will complete the good work He has begun. Knowing this entire adventure is a "divine appointment" as one person on our trip said to me, is what makes all the fears and worries disappear. He is a good and loving God, and one that only wants good for me. We continue to hang on your prayers - there are felt these many many miles away! God bless you all... and my next post, I PRAY is telling you all about what it was like MEETING FengHua for the first time!!!

Photos

2009-11-01T03:49:00.002-05:00

Photos at the link I hope!! The connections here are only fair...

We are now in Faith's home Province - Wuhan!

2009-11-01T03:26:00.000-05:00

Hello again from China! We are out of Bejing now and in Wuhan! We had a great time in Bejing! We were able to visit Tienamen square and then the Forbidden City. Both amazing sites! It was just amazing to see how huge the Forbidden city actually is. You walk from one section to another section, as one of our friends Kevin described it, it's like the movie Groundhog Day. The sections begin to look alike!

After that we went to this neat lunch place and saw how vases were made with copper and enamel, very cool. We bought a couple things there. Then we went to the Great Wall and let me tell you, it's great all right! We were still in Bejing where we saw the wall. Allison didn't get very far up and I only made it to the first tower, my knees are angry with me now I'll tell ya.

We have made some new friends as well! Kevin and Annie and their daughter Megan, Jay and Mary, Sylvia and Bernie and their daughter Karla (with a K as she says), Joe and Julia and a few others.

This morning we left Bejing in a pretty decent snow storm, were only delayed by about an hour for the plane to be de-iced so it wasn't too bad. I type this from the 24th story of the Marco Polo hotel in Wuhan overlooking the Yangtzee river. I really don't feel like I belong in a hotel like this!

The best news is that we are where Faith lives! Tomorrow is the day we finally get to meet her and she gets to meet us! Our two year journey started so long ago and has brought us half way around the world and it's so very close to reality now! God has guided us and protected us the entire way!

I'm going to try to get some pictures up here somewhere, if I do I'll post a link, that's all for now!

Hello from China~

2009-10-30T19:09:00.000-04:00

Well, we are finally here, it's been a long journey but I type this from Beijing China! I had to use MEDITECH's VPN to get in because China blocks Facebook and Blogs but I'm sneaky! We are at the Presidential Hotel.

Plane ride was long. Wish I found out the headrests move up prior to landing in Beijing! We have met some other couples here as well, they are all AWESOME! Went to some mall thing with the guys we met last night, that was funny seeing us try and talk to folks there!

Today we are off to the Great Wall of China and also to the Forbidden City. Looking forward to that! Tomorrow we MIGHT actually get to meet Faith!

Gotta go!!! Kevin

Thursday Oct. 29 US, Friday Oct. 30th China

2009-10-30T14:08:00.000-04:00

So, here we are after 2 very long years aboard UA581 on our way to Beijing China. To say it feels surreal would pale to put how we feel into perspective. We are traveling 33000 feet above the world, at 533 miles per hour (NASCAR girl’s dream lol). We are already missing our boys, and eagerly anticipating meeting our daughter. I do anticipate the next 3 days to be the hardest, separated from all our children. We are planning to live in the moment God has given us, not trying to get too ahead of the plan, as not to cause ourselves undue anxiety , easier said then done. All things are possible with God.

Our trip so far has been wonderful, some turbulent, some confusion as to how to go about certain things like checking into airports, yes we are that pathetically under-traveled. God has graciously sent us wonderful companions for the journey, and we have enjoyed getting to know each of them more - some traveling with their biological children, some adopted children, some left children at home like us, none of our fellow adopters is without children, which I found very interesting. It is so good to have so many to share in our anticipation of meeting our children, and knowing that it is still 4 days away but will be here before we know it!! We share our stories of how we got here, the wait, the referral day, the preparation for such a long trip. Each story unique but amazingly similar in our desires to add to our families with these special beautiful children.

5119 miles to go to our destination, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before our lives forever change. As an expectant mother, I would spend hours mulling what was to be for my baby. What would they look like, would their temperament being easy going or hyper like me, would they be good sleepers? I am still dreaming what Faith will be like, though I know what she looks like, there is still those same questions of temperament and sleep - but additionally is something I never considered with boys. Will she love me? I know you will all start typing away comments, of course she love you, how could she not love you, etc. I would do the same if I read it on someone else’s blog, and I trust that eventually we’ll be able to come to some type of love consensus -- the difference is now there is some uncertainty to when, and how where with an infant it is easier. Bonds are built by completed cycles of trust, of proximity and closeness, and of having needs met. The one thing I don’t worry about is needing her to hear my voice or my words to establish that bond -- if you re-read what brings people together, you’ll see all of that can be accomplished through action, not dependent on word!

Its now nearly 5 p.m. we’ve been on the journey just shy of 12 hours -- I am surprisingly filled with a peace that is beyond understanding. Before I departed I opened a card that sang out, “God is in Control”, then read a note from a little friend that encouraged me on the journey. I have had the opportunity to pray the rosary twice, not out of fear as in past flights for safety lol but as a way of mediating on the blessings of my faith, and this trip. My dear friends, and even strangers, reading this blog, and praying us along on this journey - May God bless you in this adoption - as you see His Glory revealed.

Blessings in the Waiting

2009-10-27T12:27:00.000-04:00

If someone had told me 6 weeks ago that there'd be a blessing in that, I would have smiled politely at them, and said, "Thank you for the encouragement" but in my heart would be thinking, 'YEA Right!" I am sure some of you reading this are thinking -- HEY I did say that to you. Sorry, but I am sure you can understand my state of mind at that time!

As we stare down the wait with just 2 days left, I am amazed at what a loving and caring God I serve. In retrospect, it is obvious that this wait was absolutely necessary in our ability to follow God's plan for us. During the wait, we were not only allowed opportunities to better our physical health, but also our spiritual health. That had been my prayer - to be healthy before, during and after our trip - all 5 of us. The notification of our delay came on the same day that I completed a novena to St. Therese praying for health for the 5 of us for our journey. The extra time allowed Kevin and I to finish our Hepatitis A and B vaccinations and have the 6 weeks necessary to build antibodies to be safe from those diseases. It also gave us an chance to receive our seasonal flu shots, and get the boys vaccinated for both seasonal and H1N1 flus.

Our 20th anniversary came during this time, and we were able to spend a wonderful night together at dinner, and home alone to reflect on where God had brought us, and how we were looking forward to our next leg in the journey. We had time to discuss things that may have later become obstacles to enjoying our travels and our new addition. The sacrament of marriage provides extra grace, and this was an example of that sacrament in action - the extra GRACE is a much welcomed gift from God during this time in our lives.

We were also able to receive grace in the many blessings we have received from the amazing Catholic community that surrounds us. I was able to attend at least 12 more Eucharistic adoration hours, where I could spend time quietly with my Lord, listening to his calming words of wisdom and love that He spoke to my heart. Those quiet assurances that He has only my best interest in mind, and that He will be with us for the entire Journey, that HE never leaves nor forsakes us. Kevin and I were able to attend LIFT together, and see Matt Maher (MY favorite Christian artist) live!! Yeah.. and again share in the grace of Adoration!

We received public blessings by our Emmaus and St. Thomas Aquinas families, our bible studies, and our dear friends who all prayed over us or with us -- providing us more strength for the journey. There is nothing like being covered in prayer for the work God has called you to. I was available to attend the last Rosary Procession of the season at St. Thomas and to meet a very distant cousin, who also happens to be a priest and one that knows sign language to boot!! What providence God provides in the work to which we are called. This weekend I attended an amazing retreat, where the speakers spoke light to my fearful heart, and I was able to pray over a relic of Padre Pio for our little Faith. I asked for his intercession that Faith may know that we are there to love and care for her, and to protect her against being scared. Then I was blessed with the relic, by the sweetest Franciscan priest!! I could feel this warmth fill my body, bringing me such peace and hope, that although not capable my faith will carry me through.

Many scripture verses have emerged in these 6 weeks -- 1 that I will take with me for the journey are; "Do not Fear, but Believe!" I will also carry with me quotes from saints who I know are praying for us, and interceding to bring us strength and courage for the journey. St. Bernadette's, "Jesus, I trust in YOU!"; St. Padre Pio's, "Do not Worry, worry is useless! Instead Pray!"

The wait has been long, but the fruit has been abundant. Every day God proves that this is so such more than fulfilling a lifelong desire to have a daughter, or giving an orphan a home -- it is truly a journey of growing our faith. Now we pack to prepare to begin the next phase of growing our little Faith!!

God is so reassuring!

2009-10-27T07:31:00.000-04:00

As we prepare for the journey to adopt faith (2 days to go!) God is so reassuring to us!

From yesterday's first reading:Rom 8:12-17
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear,
but you received a spirit of adoption,
through which we cry, “Abba, Father!”
From today's first reading:Rom 8:18-25
We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;
and not only that, but we ourselves,
who have the firstfruits of the Spirit,
we also groan within ourselves
as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.
For in hope we were saved.

It's these little things like this that mean so much!

One week to go!

2009-10-22T13:51:00.000-04:00

Well, the trip is one week away. In seven days we head to China and in nine days we get to finally meet Faith! It's starting to be all I think about and I am very excited to go! At adoration (during Lift) on Tuesday night it was all I could pray about.
I prayed to tell God I was too weak to do this, God assured me He will be the strength.
I prayed to tell God I was not worthy to be chosen to do this, He told me that only through Him can I be worthy.
I prayed to ask God to help me every step of the way, He assured me He would.
After adoration I felt very confident that what we are doing is from God and through God, not ME, there is no ME here, it has to be all God. There is no other way this is possible. God has granted me the peace I need to accomplish this. I trust He will be with me in the plane as I fly to China, I trust he will give me the patience and trust when we finally get to meet Faith. I trust in His love and guidance for the trip ahead.
PEACE! Kevin G.

Cost Breakdown

2009-10-15T22:17:00.001-04:00

We received a cost breakdown today as well - not sure how you can put any price on the priceless life of a child but figured this could be posted here to just help others who are discerning adoption from China!

Home Study Fee $2050    4/2/2008
Admin Fee          $3400    10/27/2008
China Center for
Adoption Affairs $1050    10/27/2008
Travel Fee          $6039    10/15/2009
Chinese & US
Govnmt Fees       $7000    11/2/2009

Total                 $19,539

This doesn't cover the donation to the orphanage or other fees such as purchasing a Visa, Passport and many other costs that we can't remember at the moment!

2009-10-15T22:12:00.000-04:00

Well we got an itenerary today and had to dole out a bit more cash!
10/30     Arrive Bejing     UA851 15:25
                                   The President Hotel

10/31     Bejing Sightseeing     Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City, Great Wall

11/01     Depart Bejing for    MU2452 11:45/13:35
             Wuhan by air         Wuhan Marco Polo Hotel


11/02     Adoption process     Meet FAITH!!!! Doctor to examine kids
             full day with guide

11/03     Adoption process     Notary
             full day with guide

11/04     Free    may go to zoo
11/05     Free

11/06     Morning free, afternoon     China Southern Airline CZ6590 20:30/22:00
             receive passport depart     White Swan Hotal
             Wuhan for Guangzhou

11/07     Visa physical for Faith

11/08     Free day

11/09     Visa interview      9 or 9:30am US Consulate in Guangzhou

11/10     Free
11/11     Free

11/12     Oath and Visa

11/13     Leave Guangzhou for HKG     KA783 9:50am
             Connecting flight home         UA862 12:50pm

Travel meeting

2009-10-14T07:19:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow afternoon we have our travel meeting and we also should get our itinerary then as well. It's coming up fast!

And just as an aside, if you ever need passport photos we recommend CVS, they are cheap and easy, taking them yourselves is just too much of an adventure!

Email from CAWLI - the travel dates look GREAT!

2009-10-07T10:43:00.001-04:00

Dear Allisona and Kevin,

Congratulation! We got your visa appointment just now. It is Nov.9th,
9:00am, this is perfect date for your family, you can travel with the
group. Please see attachment and read it carefully.

Now we can issue your tickets and arrange all your travel in China.I
will let Lily from FET issue your international tickets this afternoon
and she will send your international travel itinerary to you very soon.
Due to the china and US holiday, I will send your final itinerary until
next Tue. The travel quote will give you on travel meeting.

Our travel meeting is on Oct.15th at 1:00--3:00pm.

Have any question don't hesitated to contact me.

It's rain day, but it should be a very nice day for your family.

Ellen

Phew!

2009-10-07T08:00:00.000-04:00

Well, our travel Visa's are still good! Allison had a bit of a panic attack thinking they may be expired and that would have been another $300+! They are good until next year.

2009-10-05T11:33:00.000-04:00

Well, we never thought the day would come but it is close! We will believe it 100% when we actually board the plane on October 29th for China but that is the scheduled departure date to go get Faith FengHua!

You can follow our journey here!